How to handle workplace incivility

Nothing wrecks workplace culture quite like bad behavior. This can be impoliteness, as in a not-so-subtle eyeroll during a presentation. It can be boorish, as in more overt berating or bullying. Workplace incivility can even be viciously calculating, as in a co-worker who takes credit for an idea or withholds information that would help a colleague succeed. From sabotage and subterfuge to terse emails and interrupted sentences, rudeness in the office seems to be on the rise. And its price tag is much higher than wounded egos.

The Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) estimates that workplace incivility costs U.S. businesses about $2.3 billion per day in reduced productivity and absenteeism. It makes sense, right? Instead of making the next widget, Jane fires off a snippy email reply. Rather than face the indignity of his ideas being dismissed, Joe calls in sick instead.

The cost is a staggering $1.68 trillion over a two-year span. There is also a mental cost. Of U.S. workers who experienced or witnessed workplace incivility, more than half (53%) reported a negative impact on their mental health, according to SHRM.

To better understand rudeness in the workplace, it’s important to look at how it crept into our offices and job sites in the first place.

Rodney Luster, PhD, LPC, the research chair for the Center of Leadership Studies & Organizational Research at University of Phoenix, says there are definitely more ways of incivility than we’ve seen in previous decades. He also told us that sometimes people regress to the immaturity of ego and seek to be heard by acting out more. He says he feels that social media tends to award brevity and outrage, not necessarily kindness.

While the internet and social media do not by any means exhaust the confines of societal rudeness, Luster says they do represent a sort of modern-day Roman coliseum — the socially accepted venue for unleashing their darker sides.

This sort of treatment may even become addictive. Luster has extensively researched a recruiter protein known as FosB that activates the chemicals that help form habits. Luster says he finds that if some feel like they have intimidated or bullied their way to results, it can be seen as a rewarded behavior and create spikes of dopamine, an upstream driver of FosB, and it may become addictive. In other words, workplace offenders may be training their physiology to think it’s shrewd to be rude.

So, that may be what’s happening on the inside. What about the outside?

Luster attributes the rise in rudeness in general and workplace incivility in particular to several external factors, chief among them the COVID-19 pandemic. He says the pandemic was a contributor and an agitator. He suggests the stress and depletion overtaxed us in so many ways that what you’re seeing is stress induced dysregulation effect and the mask is rudeness.

A study from Korn Ferry in 2021 and reported by HR Dive bolsters Luster’s observation. It found that 59% of workers said their co-workers were more rude compared to pre-pandemic days.

Other pressures mount, too. Consider the contentious political landscape, economic uncertainty, a sharp downturn in hiring in 2025 and, more recently, the longest government shutdown in U.S. history. Luster says he feels that there’s a loss of empathy under acute stress and that it can narrow people’s focus to self-preservation.

In other words, pressure-packed people look out for #1 (themselves).

It only makes sense that this mindset travels to the workplace or the C-suite or the cube farm. Workplace incivility holds up a mirror to societal incivility. 

According to SHRM, two-thirds of U.S. workers, when surveyed, had experienced or witnessed workplace incivility in the past month.

Also, according to SHRM, the top five ways uncivil behavior shows up are:

1.    Addressing others disrespectfully

2.    Interrupting or silencing others while they are speaking

3.    Excessive monitoring or micromanaging

4.    Ignoring or paying little attention to others

5.    Unprofessional or disrespectful body language

Here’s the scary part. These things spread much like the pandemic that gave rise to them in the first place. Contagiously. According to research published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology, rudeness is contagious. When it’s accepted, it’s more likely to be replicated, and otherwise good people aren’t exempt. The research revealed that teams exposed to rudeness showed less willingness to share information and workloads. Specifically, in medical settings, this translated to poorer execution of lifesaving procedures that save lives.

Yikes.

So, workplace incivility is a cancer to culture. It harms employee mental health. It makes employees two times more likely to leave their job. And it can be detrimental at best and dangerous at worst for a company’s performance quality. Now the million-dollar question remains: How do workers navigate it?

Jessica Roper, director of career services for University of Phoenix, offers top strategies for dealing with rudeness at work.

Employees can reinforce the kind of civility they want to see by modeling it. Roper provides the following examples of how this might sound in the workplace:

• “Thanks for coming to the meeting so prepared today. The data you presented was well researched and informative.”
• “Thanks for inviting me into the conversation today.”
• “I’m glad we got the chance to collaborate. I really saw your strengths shine through on that project.”

There’s a big gap between “That’s a stupid idea” (rude) and “The fourth point in your presentation needs work” (direct). Roper says some people simply communicate with formal, direct language. For example, they’re not going to give you the compliment sandwich. They might dive right into constructive criticism. Simply studying different communication styles can help.

Roper advises that it’s better to communicate rather than allow insecurities to fester or communication styles to clash. Such situations might call for a response like, “It would help me if you gave some positive feedback before you gave negative feedback.”

Roper advises recipients of workplace incivility to steer clear of characterizing co-workers (e.g., as “jerks”) and instead name the behavior. Try these approaches:

• “That comment felt sarcastic to me. Was that your intent?”
• “I noticed you were impatient with me when I was talking about the deadline for XYZ project. Is something going on today?”

If rudeness on the job becomes a constant jab, it may eventually be important to name it and seek a remedy for it.

How this might sound:

“I noticed that every day this week you have devalued my ideas. That doesn’t validate me. Can we talk through how to communicate better?”

If workplace incivility is persistent, impacting the ability of an employee to work, affecting emotional well-being or impeding advancement, Roper advises that it’s time for the employee to talk to their manager. In those cases, it’s a good idea to take documented instances of discourteous behavior. If the complaint is not validated or corrected (or if it is coming from the manager), she advises taking it to HR.

Finally, Luster recommends reaching for something that may feel counterintuitive in the face of rudeness or disrespect. It’s empathy. He said we may not know what’s going on in them, but it’s probably something very human, adding that fear and stress have a way of expressing themselves as rudeness.

Likewise, Roper suggests simple curiosity. Maybe an individual is loud because they have impaired hearing. You could gently inquire. Or maybe they’re late because they’re trying to figure out the best bus connections. Or consider that maybe the person who doesn’t clean up after themselves simply has a lack of awareness.

In the end, looking through the lens of Luster’s earlier Roman coliseum analogy, employees have an opportunity to participate in the incivility spectacle, be a spectator in it or create a new culture. Luster says to think about the blood lust of Rome and how it led to its downfall. Grace, after all, may be just as contagious.

Workplace incivility isn’t the only tricky career challenge to navigate. Fortunately, you don’t have to figure it out alone. University of Phoenix offers a Career Services for Life^® commitment for active students and graduates. Services include one-on-one career coaching and resumé guidance.

Additionally, current students have access to Career Navigator, a platform that helps individuals assess how their skills and interests might translate to a career.

UOPX also offers free resources to the public. Explore webinars on professional topics as well as free, downloadable templates and guides.

Finally, the University embraces lifelong learning in meaningful ways. Learn more about University of Phoenix degree programs.