How to go to college as a single parent

Going back to school as a working adult or a parent is tough enough, but how do you swing it as a single parent? It may take long hours and strong planning, but it can be done.

Before you commit to pursuing a degree, there’s one crucial step every single parent should make: figuring out what’s at stake.

Samantha Dutton, PhD, puts it another way: You have to know your why. “That’s what will get you through,” says Dutton, the associate dean of the College of Social and Behavioral Sciences at UOPX. “My ‘why’ was I wanted a better life. I also wanted to prove to my family — and to myself — that I could do it.”

Before you look at Dutton’s PhD and think she can’t meet you eye to eye, think again. Dutton says her grades barely got her out of high school, she made hasty decisions in her early years and she had to pave her own path as a first-generation college student.

Oh, and she was single parent when she earned her undergraduate degree.

Dutton knows, in other words, of what she speaks. Here are some of her top strategies for going to school as a single parent.

As a single parent, the people closest to you on any given day might be your 5-year-old and 7-year-old. If you’re working full time (or more than full time), you know that time is at a premium. So, it’s important to ask questions of someone who can quickly connect you with answers.

Dutton recommends that students lean on academic counselors for help.

That’s why Dutton sees such value in advisors. “Ask your academic counselor all the questions on your mind,” she says. Find out about scholarships, math and writing assistance, and resources available to you such as disability accommodations, life coaching and mental health support.

As the saying goes, there’s no such thing as a dumb question. This is especially true when your life and academic livelihood are on the line.

Dutton joined the U.S. Air Force thinking it would ultimately be her doorway to college. She was right. But hers wasn’t quite the path she envisioned. By the time she started college, she had a preschooler and a first grader. Her husband, also in the military, was on a remote tour to Korea, and they soon divorced.

Dutton’s first step was one that most budget-conscious single parents can take. She started at community college. “I was just trying to get all the courses I could at a cheaper tuition rate so I could transfer to a four-year university,” she said.

Seeing this need, some community colleges now partner with universities to make college affordable and credit transfers seamless. 

Mentors are a great idea for anyone. But for a single parent in college, a mentor can be a lifeline. Dutton recalls how mentors encouraged her not only to sharpen her focus on social work (which ignited a career trajectory that now has her leading the Bachelor of Science in Social Work program at UOPX) but also to continue to get her master’s and then her doctorate.

“It’s so important for students to have a mentor,” Dutton says. “You need a cheerleader. College is overwhelming. Add to that having kids and navigating a system you don’t always understand. It’s a lot. Talking to someone who is where you want to be can make all the difference.”

When scouting for a mentor, consider faculty or someone who works near you in the field. “Who do you look up to?” Dutton says. “Ask them what it’s like to go to their office. Ask if you can shadow them or meet virtually for coffee.”

Going back to school as a single parent is no time to be shy about asking for help. So, while mentors can be invaluable professionally, friends, family members and a church- or community-based support system are essential personally.

“As a single parent, you’re already trying to be two or three places at once sometimes. Maybe you’re working one or two jobs. Then your kids are sick, and you need to be home. These days will happen,” Dutton explains.

How did Dutton handle all the competing demands?

“I looked around at who could help me. Who could pick up my children? Who could fix my car? What community support or after-school programs could put healthy support around my children?”

Here are some other ideas:

• Barter child care with a friend (freeing you up for uninterrupted study or self-care)
• Join a support group or small group at church for single parents
• Pursue government assistance or financial help from local utilities
• Enlist a friend or family member to tutor your child or children in a subject of homework that’s hardest for you

According to a 2023 report from Today’s Students Coalition, roughly 1 in 10 undergraduate students in the U.S. is a single mom.

It may be eye-opening — and a reason to keep going — when single moms see the compelling statistical argument to earn a degree. According to that same report, single moms with only a high school diploma in the U.S. are 1.8 times more likely to live in poverty than when they hold an associate degree. That same group is three times more likely to live in poverty than when they hold a bachelor’s degree. (This data originated from the Institute for Women’s Policy Research and was calculated using public assistance receipts, the 2015–17 American Community Survey and the 2014–18 Current Population Survey.) 

Once you’ve exhausted the scholarships, support networks and external resources, it’s time for the single parent to dig deep internally. Here are several ways to get creative and keep your sanity while managing school:

• Review notes during lunch breaks at work.
• Do homework alongside your kids in the evening.
• Voice-dictate highlights from coursework and listen during your commute.
• Time-block your weeks. Allocate your time in a way that reflects your priorities (e.g., time with your children, performance at work, success in school).
• Hold fast to what aligns with your priorities in this season of life. Let go of what does not.
• Make the most of your downtime. Do class readings in the car before your child’s game. Work on a big paper while the kids are at a sleepover.
• Remember why you’re doing all of this. Make it a mantra that keeps you motivated. Write it down. Make it the screen lock on your phone. Place a sticky note on your mirror.

Finally, remember you’re running a marathon, not a sprint. “You can’t take care of your kids if you’re not taking care of you,” Dutton says. Sometimes, during the kids’ naptime, the best use of time is to finish a paper. Other times, the best thing for you will be to cuddle up next to them and take a nap, too.

Learn more about flexible, online degree programs at University of Phoenix.