Give yourself grace: Overcoming life’s challenges with wisdom & growth

0:00 - Well, welcome to the Degrees of Success podcast. 0:15 My name is Freda Richards, and I have the honor to be your host. And today we have an incredible guest. 0:21 We are joined by Towanna Bazile. She is a powerhouse of inspiration, wearing many hats. 0:27 She's the manager of the global security and investigations at AT&T. A certified life 0:33 and mindness coach, a professional speaker, and she has over 20 years of experience in law enforcement. 0:40 Welcome with me, Towanna. Thank you so much for joining us. - Yes, thanks for having me. 0:46 - Of course, of course. We're so honored to have you. Well, we wanna learn about you, so we're just gonna jump right in. 0:53 Let's find out where you're from. Tell us about your childhood and how you grew up. - Yes. Well, I'm from Houston, Texas. 0:59 I'm, I, I like to say that I'm an inner proud inner city young lady, born 1:06 and raised in Houston, Texas, raised in the inner city. And I, I always say that I wanted to, you know, 1:11 see more than what I can see around me. And thankfully I've been able to, to do that. 1:17 I, I'm very mindful of my roots. I'm very appreciative of my roots. 1:22 I do believe our roots shape, who we are in what we are. The other, hopefully for me, it was for the better. 1:29 - Oh, I'm confident of that. Since you're proud of your roots, tell me about that. What does that look like for you? 1:34 What roots are you proud of? - What that looks like for me is, you know, when you're 1:42 born in, in, in the city, I always say a city girl, you know, you, you, it, it, it shapes you in the way 1:50 that creates an opportunity for you to be appreciative of the things that you have. 1:56 And when you're in the inner city, you really don't realize, you know, until you get to the suburbs or until you navigate beyond a, a, a city, inner city life 2:03 that, you know, the basic principles of things is really all you really need. You know, your, you know, your family, your loved ones, the 2:12 vision, the dreaming, and the world is still yours. - Absolutely. Tell me when you recognized your vision 2:21 for your passions. - Ooh, I recognized my visions for my passions early on, and I've always been talkative. 2:31 I always like to describe myself as the one with excellent grades, but to check minus for conduct. 2:37 So because of that, I've, I learned early on my passion for visions by inner self entertaining myself with, 2:44 you know, I am visions of myself now, memories of myself now of being in the bathroom with the door closed 2:50 with all my books on the floor. And I, I was, I, I would say I was teaching the class 2:56 and that was my way of, you know, of, of self self entertaining. - Oh my goodness. So you, you were teaching back then. 3:03 - Yes, yes. There's, there's, I have very fond memories of me. That's how I would know, you know, 3:10 I come up in a timeframe when we didn't have a lot, what we have now. We didn't have, you know, the yo gangs per se. We had the ataris, we had the, yeah, the tars. Towanna’s journey: Challenges that shaped her path 3:18 I, I, I could remember for sure, but you know, the, the, the handheld devices that we have now, we did not have those then. 3:24 So a lot of the things were doll was your toys or just your self imagination. And my self imagination for me was teaching 3:32 and talking to my books about whatever it was I wanted to talk about. And I'm still talking today. 3:39 I'm still talking and aspiring and doing all the things that I think I innately am here. 3:45 Yes, yes. And so to answer your question, very, from a brief standpoint, probably around five 3:53 or six years old, I, myself 3:59 being all that I could be, and I, even though I'm at the age I am today, I still 4:04 could envision myself doing even more. I think life is a good lifelong learners. 4:11 I think life is a journey. I do know that we, I think the moment you stop thinking 4:16 that there's not more for you to do and or learn, you're basically stating that, Hey, my time here has served, and that's not the case here. 4:26 Make it up each day. And I just say, okay, Lord, what, what, what do you have in store today? Keep going. Yes. Oh my - Goodness. 4:32 Agreed. Agreed. So you have an incredible drive, not just 4:38 for your career, but for life in general. And I know that you have a philosophy that includes three very clear words 4:47 that you live your life by. Could you tell me more about that? - Faith, family, fashion, mind, body 4:53 and spirit, faith, family and fashion. My faith is the core and essence of who I am. 4:58 That's where the spirit comes from. Spirit and faith, to me, all goes hand in hand. 5:03 I do not believe we're here by chance. I do not believe we are here just on coincidence. 5:09 We are here because the creator wanted us to be. Now we need to find out why we're here. And I do think each of us have a purpose for why we're here. 5:16 And that purpose, the sooner you identify it, and I, I do recall stating that for me, it's what I would, 5:22 what I do at the core of who I am that makes a difference that I would do for free. 5:29 It's something that you do very easily. Some people it's baking cakes, you know, those cakes can change the room around. 5:36 You know, for me it's just being a who I am with inspiring people who just using my faith as a driver 5:42 for all things. And then family, of course, your family is, is is how you got here. 5:48 It's, it is your family. For some people, family may be an extended family, may not be, you know, those that are blood to them. 5:54 Family could be a number of things. It could be the association you're a part of. It could be your actual family, it could be your work family. 6:01 And then of course of fashion. I love fashion. I love clothes. If I, if I wasn't in the industry that I'm in now, early on, I would say 6:08 that fashion would be the course that I would, the direction that I would take. And that was the direction that I thought of, you know, early on. 6:15 And then the mind, body and spirit. Along the way, along the way, mind, body, 6:20 and spirit became a core function of me. Because your mind is powerful. 6:26 I always say that you drive your mind, you can park it if you want it, you can drive it wherever you want to go. 6:32 And hopefully it's not parked. And then if it's parked, just park it for a moment to get the rest that you need 6:37 and to drive up to the next stop so that you can keep your mind fresh and simulated with, you know, positive things, 6:44 positive images, positive thoughts, and then your body. We are what we eat. We are what we, you, you just get one. 6:51 You know, you can't, you know, you can, you maybe have to change some parts out, but ultimately you, you, you get wine and what you feed it is very important. 6:59 How you exercise is very important. And then of course, your spirit, as I mentioned earlier, the spirit is what, or are you releasing? 7:07 Is your energy and you walk in the room, are you changing the room for the better? Or you change a room for the worse? 7:12 I do think we're all in the bundle of energy and our spirit ties into that. And so, faith, family, fashion, mind, body, spirit, 7:19 it's all intertwined for me in those six. It's really the essence, who it is that I am as a person. 7:26 And I try to operate in those as often as I can. You know, it doesn't get easy, as I said before, even though I, I'm accomplished, you know, 7:33 we've all had our fair year of disappointments, you know, life without disappointments, you haven't live just yet. 7:38 If you hadn't had a disappointment, just keep going. It's just the nature of who we, nature of life. The importance of resilience and self-awareness 7:44 So your faith, my faith, for me, it's what I use to pull me out of those disappointing moments to say, Hey, you know, maybe it wasn't my time 7:50 or maybe it wasn't God's time, you know, maybe it just wasn't what he wanted me to do, or whatever it may be. 7:56 And you regroup, you gather your gardenings, you need to cry for a moment. You cry and you gather yourself composure together. 8:02 And you, you walk you up, you live to see another day - You regroup. Yes. Let me ask you, I hear 8:08 that your faith is very important to you, and I can completely understand that. 8:14 Do you have a particular verse that guides you, leads you, or is one of your favorites? 8:19 - It's always being Jeremiah 29 and 11, that is what I go to when I have to remind myself it's a challenging tires. 8:27 That's what I go to. I also lo have learned to love Mark 11 to 24, where you, 8:34 you know, you say mountain, be th removed or whatever the mountain is. You trust that you know it is gonna be removed. 8:41 It may be in the way for a moment. Just for moment. 8:47 - That's right. That is right. That's an excellent one. I heard you say that faith was important to you 8:54 and of course important to you. Tell me about the inspirations in your life that helped create you be this positive force. 9:03 - Well, I did mention previously my godmother, so she's my son's godmother. 9:09 She recently passed, it's been about two or three years ago now. And it was very profound when she was aware 9:16 that she was, was, was dying basically. And so she was preparing for her end of life, and she had stated that she did not want an obituary. 9:24 And so when I asked her why, she said, well, with all the things that I've accomplished, 9:29 I just want my life to speak for itself. And I, I don't think there's anything that I need to say 9:35 because those who know me know the life that I've lived and my creator know the life that I live so 9:41 that we don't need that. And she didn't have that. She had her, her picture, she had her birthday 9:48 and her fourth date included the day of her of, of her ongoing. And she didn't have an obituary. 9:55 And I thought it was very humble. It was filled with a lot of humility. And it's, it's, it, it, it really touched me as well. 10:04 So she is an inspiration. She was not a someone in the greatest of health, 10:09 but she did not let that stop her from getting up each day achieving. She actually worked just to a few weeks before she passed 10:17 because she wanted to still contribute to, to her job, including helping the person that would take her position 10:25 after her, her her succession. She helped to train them during that time. And so I just thought it was really, it was, it was a, 10:31 it was something to see because it just let you know that she understood, she understood the mission 10:36 and she understood the mission was ending and she wanted to carry it out 10:43 to its fullest into the, down to the wire. And so I, I, I remember that. So she's one, I've had many others. 10:49 I've had great leaders, of course parents, I've had many people in my, in my, along the way 10:57 that have inspired me in a number of ways, whether they've been a leader that led through challenging times, Rudi be of course a parent, 11:05 a mother, that, that was a single mom that did the very best that she could to provide what she could. 11:10 And within the reason that she could, that is probably a, a contributing factor to the tenacity to take life 11:19 by the horns and just go. So a number, a number of, a number of people, my, 11:26 my godmother, my mother, and then great leaders along the way have definitely been those that have challenged me to be the best that I can be. 11:33 And I can always not include great teachers because a lot of times we just kind of, 11:40 I won't say we overlook the teachers a lot of times they're not maybe at the front of people's minds. I've had some few great ones along the way as well 11:47 that have, have instilled a lot of great philosophies that you remember as you, as you navigate. 11:53 - Which one would you say was most impactful? One of those philosophies? 11:59 - One of the philosophies was when I first, or early on in my educational path, I, I do recall 12:09 being informed, you know, if you've lived, if you, if you're born and you live and you die 12:14 and you have not left a 300 mile radius, you have not lived. And that has stuck with me 12:19 because it's so true in so many ways, because so many people never leave the area 12:25 where they were born. What it be for a number of reasons. And I'm not saying everyone has to move away from home 12:32 or move away from where you are, but you should definitely explore. And I learned that early on, that exploration is key 12:39 to see people live. If I travel different places, I try to see 12:44 how the common people live. I, I, I wanna see more again than what I can see. 12:50 And that has held true with me as well. Other philosophies have been, you know, definitely, Overcoming limiting beliefs & embracing growth 12:56 you know, do your homework, prepare preparation is key. 13:01 And if you didn't prepare, I mean, you can't expect to have a great outcome if you didn't prepare. Now sometimes you can prepare, you can still give your very 13:08 best and you still fall short, but at least you're prepared as best if you could. It's one thing to lose the battle, 13:14 and you show up with no armor than to lose the battle. And you, you battle it, you still come up short. 13:20 So those are some of the philosophies that I've learned along the way to just 13:26 explore and prepare. - I can see why you are a successful life 13:34 and mindfulness coach, because you're encouraging me just sitting here. 13:40 My goodness, your positivity and drive has obviously been 13:46 essential to you being successful in your career as well. I'd love to just kind of go down your career path, 13:54 because it started in the public sector and then moved in into the public and you, 14:02 and you've done things as far you volunteer your giving tours and museums. I wanna hear all about your experience. 14:10 - I started out in law enforcement. I spent many years there, first of 17, to be ex 14:16 to be exact excellent foundation. I, I I, excellent foundation. I mentioned fashion earlier. 14:24 It was either fashion or ultimately initially wanted to be a district attorney. And so it was either criminal justice, some aspect 14:30 of a law or fashion. And so of course, criminal justice was the path that I, i I took. 14:35 And it has been the basis for who I am. The basic foundational principles 14:42 that you learn there in a paramilitary setting to me, has taken me many places. 14:48 And it will forever take me. And I always go back to that because when I say paramilitary, it teaches you structure, 14:54 it teaches you discipline, it teaches you respect, it teaches you all the intangible things 14:59 that you need in addition to your skills, in addition to your talent. You have to have this other piece to polish, to, 15:06 to be polished down, to making sure that your, your, your belt buckle is the way that it needs to be, is centered the way it needs to be, that your ties, the way 15:13 that it needs to be, that your shoes are shine the way it needs to be. Those are simple things that may be seamlessly minor details, 15:20 but they do play into a bigger picture in addition to the respect of the community, the respect that, you know, 15:28 I know times have changed along the way, but the respect of the community, the discipline that you learn there, the, the statues and different things. 15:35 And so I started out in law enforcement, great, wonderful opportunity. Got to do a lot of things there from working in the 15:43 detention centers, going through the academy, of course, I was the youngest in my academy class. 15:49 I was one of five females out of a, out of a graduating cadet class of 62. 15:54 So they kind of gives you the, the ation between the male to female ratio in addition to one of just five out of 62. 16:03 And then from there, i, I navigated successfully quite a few bureaus from the detention bureau to the processing center where the 16:13 inmates come in, we process 'em in and we process 'em out, we bond them, all those things to working in the court division, being a bailiff 16:20 and working with jurors and working in the court, holdover, getting the inmates to and from where they need to be 16:25 for quarter on a day-to-day basis. Working with the judges, working with the court personnel, court staff, all aspects 16:32 of the criminal justice system in addition to working in patrol on the, in the Rever reserve force 16:38 and on the administrations team, learning how you process 16:43 applicants, applicants, which is officers in, in and out of the department, 16:49 whether it be the reserve bureau or otherwise. And so I got an opportunity to do, to do a lot. 16:54 What I did not quite understand, I always tell people is, and I, I tell young adults now 17:00 that are entering into law enforcement or those that are entering, because you can enter at any, any age and stage, depending upon the department, 17:06 make sure you fully understand the path that's needed, get to where you wanna go. 17:12 It's not just getting the job. You have to understand how you wanna navigate in the job. 17:17 A lot of people don't quite understand that. And I do tell a lot of people that today, when you're applying for jobs to different roles 17:23 and the different mentorship capacities that I have, understand what it is you wanted to do and how it is you can get there. 17:28 Because what I did not understand is if you didn't promote early on, you lose seniority. 17:33 Your seniority was based on your promotion date. And so if you sit there and you let 10 years get 17:39 underneath you, regardless of why you're sitting per se, from not promoting, whether it be you're in school, whether it be you have a family, whether it be a number 17:46 of reasons when you decide to promote, you have to keep in line. Your day of promotion now becomes your, 17:52 your day of promotion date. And that's the date at that time that was considered for a number of things from your, from your day hours worked or a number of things. 18:00 You may have 10 years with the organization, but you have a one year of far a one year shift. 18:05 So that's a ation. There also have to be mindful in those days, we also had what we call a bidding process 18:12 where you would bid based on your gender. It may seem very discriminatory, but it has to be that way 18:17 because you do have female prisoners. You have to have a number of females to be able to help the females. So we had a female bid and we had a male bid, 18:25 but you may have all the seniority for the male group females over here that's caring 15, Knowing when to change your environment for success 18:32 20 years, you may have 10. And it's just not working out for you in terms of what you're trying to do. So you have to kind of understand, it's very technical. 18:38 You have to understand kind of what it is you need to understand. But it was a great opportunity. I I'm still very connected. 18:45 I, it's a all it's a career path that I tell anyone. I don't think it's one that no one should not consider. 18:52 If it's something that you wanna do. You have to be people oriented. You have to be service oriented. And I've always been service oriented. 18:59 And I know that the service oriented, my mother was a social worker, and so I saw her in different communities, 19:05 helping different people showing up in different places, helping the community through social work activities, 19:11 whether it be for her job or whether it be through her volunteer, because it all went hand in hand. 19:16 And so from the law enforcement capacity, I did navigate on to the private sector, got a great wonderful opportunity 19:23 to be a supervisor in the launch prevention department for a large pharmaceutical company 19:29 and a CVS pharmacy to be a matter of fact. And I, it was, it was a very, that's another one 19:36 of opportunity because here's why in the public sector, you are working with the public in so many different capacities in the private 19:43 sector, you're really doing the same. People don't realize a lot of things that go on in the public world happen inside a corporate, 19:48 happen inside of corporate organizations just from a different perspective. And you need to have someone 19:54 that's the gatekeeper for what's going on. Law enforcement may be the gatekeeper publicly, and you have the loss prevention departments, 20:01 risk management departments, a lot of different departments, asset protection that are the gatekeepers 20:06 within the corporate sector. And so that was a natural trajectory, natural progression there. 20:12 And from there, that was a supervisor role. I got an opportunity, again, back to what I mentioned before, I got an opportunity 20:19 to be a supervisor coming in the door. And so for me, although I was going from pri from public to private, 20:26 I was elevating in my career. I was advancing in my career because now I'm not, I can't, I wouldn't say 20:32 that I wouldn't be able to be a supervisor previously. I wouldn't have to wait a little longer in order to get that done. I now realize that I did have an opportunity 20:39 to be a sergeant in reserve bureau for another county entity. And that was a wonderful experience as well. 20:45 But in the private sector, I was able to be a, the, a launch victory supervisor overseeing all being safety, 20:52 all oversee security. I learned so much about OSHA and workplace safety, how feel all 20:59 of your different programs and plans that you need from bloodborne pathogens to lock out, tag out and emergency response. 21:06 I learned all of that within that role from a leader who was also prior law enforcement. 21:11 And so it really helped. I always love to take a listen to these jobs. Last commencement speech. 21:17 It's very profound how we talks about the dots connecting. They really do connect. When we look back, we don't realize it in the midst of, 21:24 but when you take a look back, the dots predicting to get you where you need to be back to faith. 21:30 If you just go forward on faith, take the lead, the dots are gonna connect at some point. If you are on the path, God has planned 21:38 for you to come together. And so from, from the CVS world, from the supervisor world, I continued to evolve from there, I became director 21:46 of risk management for a large organiz, a large nonprofit organization in the San Antonio area. 21:52 Goodwood Industries for all of this, all of the Goodwood industry stores within San Antonio in South Texas. So I got an opportunity now to go from distribution loss, 22:01 prevent, I didn't mention that. Distribution loss prevention with two or three distribution centers now to 16. 22:08 It was 16 or so stores at that time. That continued to evolve along the way from there 22:14 and got a wonderful opportunity to join how I got into telecommunications. I got a wonderful opportunity 22:19 to join Cricket Communications. They are now, they were acquired along the way by at and t. 22:26 And so joining Cricket Communications in a senior manager of, of, of security, safety and security. 22:31 Now I went from 16 locations within one state to multiple states. 22:37 Green Beam responsible for multiple state leadership, non director role, senior manager role. 22:43 However, the areas of of responsibility were far more than my responsibilities 22:48 under the director hat. So again, another evolution of the career path. And then that of course, at 22:53 and t acquired, acquired Cricket communications. And that's how I come on, on board to the at 22:59 and t family within the role of, of, of senior investigator, lead investigator, which is also managerial position, 23:05 responsible for all things global security and investigations. Now, again, for an even larger conglomerate. 23:12 But what I didn't mention, thankfully, I've had an opportunity. Each of those organizations are either publicly traded 23:19 or Fortune 100 to Fortune 500. They're huge organizations that I've had an opportunity 23:24 to learn a lot about. The way the University of Phoenix came about is when I transitioned from the 23:31 private sector, from the public sector to the private sector, it had been some time since I had graduated 23:38 with my bachelor's degree. And so for me, consum and Learner, I don't wanna feel like I'm in a situation 23:44 where I can know more or learn more and I'm not prepared because I didn't do that. 23:50 And so I figured, hey, if I'm gonna be now a part of big business and I'm understanding big business terminology, I'm, I'm hearing and I'm listening. 23:57 I come from an administration of justice, public public affairs major with the concentration in administration of justice, 24:03 which was my, which was my bachelor's degree. I worked in that capacity very well for a very long time. 24:09 Now I'm in big business, what better way to learn business than to study business. Surrounding yourself with positive, growth-oriented people 24:14 And so I I, I started to search to see what available programs were out there at that time. And at that time, online learning was just coming about. 24:23 It was just a thing. I don't recall a lot of major players at that time, university of Phoenix 24:28 and a few others were out there. And I'd done my research and I chose University of Phoenix. I was able to get accepted. And the rest is history. 24:35 I, I worked while at CV Pharmacy. I worked full-time family and all studying 24:42 after I got off of work, early morning hours, getting it done. And I got my master's in business administration. 24:49 I remember those courses to the T because the terminology that I heard at work from KPI 24:56 to all the things related to finance and all these related to marketing, how you, it all tied in together, all tied in together. 25:04 And thankfully the very year that I graduated from University of Phoenix, I got the director of risk management job. 25:10 And I always say I'm confident, I'm confident that me being a recent graduate MBA graduate, 25:17 me having the public experience now, the private experience and the supervisory skills allowed me 25:23 to step into that role. And I successfully stepped into that role now from managing the safety 25:31 and security programs. Now I'm developing policies and procedures myself, and I'm having those implemented 25:37 throughout the organizations. There's manuals and models that I've been told they're still using today 25:42 that I've helped create and develop so that the organization could continue to navigate and continue at least have a, at least have the, 25:49 the groundwork to continue to build upon as you continue to go forward with the programs 25:55 and procedures that you needed for those individuals. More importantly, with disabilities at that time, to make sure that we had 26:00 what we needed in place in case something happened, a spiel or an emergency, we knew what to do, where to go. 26:06 I created flip charts and different things that they can quickly go to if there is any type of situation, whether it be a fire, 26:13 whether it be a bomb threat, whatever it may be, you just flip to your flip chart and you have your simple little bullet points of 26:18 what it is we need to do and we can navigate forward. And so that just evolved. And again, to now it's global security 26:25 and investigations, all things related to global security, our security functions, all the way down 26:31 to investigative functions for Fortune 100 company at, at this point. 26:36 So I think my career evolved. It has evolved. Now, some may ask that you, 26:41 would you like to get a doctor's degree? I, I, I don't know about that right now. I'm still learning. 26:48 I'm still learning and evolving. I've gotten some certifications along the way that have kept me, that kept me abreast within my industry 26:54 certified forensic interviewer I interview on a daily basis, on a regular basis for a number of reasons, 27:00 whether it be investigatory or whether it be just interviewing in general. And those particular designations have helped as well 27:06 as a lot of different OSHA certifications, osha, OSHA 10, OSHA 30, those for people who are in the field. 27:13 They know what I mean. You need those to understand the basic principles of safety. And I know that was long and winded, but 27:20 - No, that was excellent. - That's been my, that's been my, my - Thank you for that, for 27:26 that in in depth dive into your career path. I as you, as you were speaking about it, I know that myself 27:34 and probably the listeners are thinking, my goodness, it's opportunity after opportunity after opportunity 27:40 and it continues to grow. Tell us what that looks like. How do you continue to move forward in that way? 27:49 If you were to suggest to our viewers or even to myself, what does that forward motion look like 27:55 and how did you get there? What, what did you implement to be able to continue that forward motion in your career path? 28:03 - This is an excellent question because that's where the mind body experience comes in. 28:09 When you are in positions of leadership, positions of responsibility, positions of results, 28:17 you have to continue the results. I always tell people, your project was successful yesterday. 28:24 Yes. But you have another project coming and you have to be able to maintain that level 28:32 of success to remain competitive, to remain all things that's needed. 28:37 So it can be overwhelming at times. I've had, I mean, talk about the other side of it. 28:44 I've had times where I may not have been able to eat a full meal without my phone ringing because someone needed me. 28:50 I needed something that was going on or something that was happening, whether it be publicly or whether it be privately. 28:57 And you're doing all that. You can't answer the phone and off on people. You have to still be able 29:02 to maintain your composure back to the public sector. You have to maintain. 29:08 And the roles that I'm had, the roles that I'm in is still in, you have to be able to respond in the midst of chaos. 29:16 And so that means for me, I still have to respond in the midst of chaos. I'm in the department where it's not, we're not, I mean, 29:24 this is the department where things are happening. They need us to respond and need us to, to do something that could be heaven forbid. 29:31 And so we have to still show poise and be able to execute back to the mind by the spirit. 29:36 If you don't have your mind, right, if you don't have your body right and your spirit right, you could fail the people 29:43 that's dependent upon you, and you can even, quite frankly, fail yourself. So because of that, I, I, I remind myself of that, 29:50 and that's where the mindfulness come in. I got to a point along the way, just through life experiences, whether it be personal experiences, personal challenges, 29:57 is this challenges or whatever it may be, what do I need to do now for me, you know, what do I need to do 30:04 to make sure that I'm well, or that I'm whole, that I'm saying for all the people that need me, I can't tell them I can't show 30:11 up for them because they need. And so that's where the mindfulness come in. I, I got my mindfulness certification 30:17 and it, it meant the world for me to learn how to now 30:24 regulate me when people are needing me. Whether it be to just take a few deep breaths, whether it be 30:30 to center myself, whether it be to meditate, to practice mindfulness, whether it be to eat better, 30:37 you know, we are what we eat. Am I, you know, on those days where I'm going, so I may not be able to get a fresh meal. 30:43 What am I choosing to pick up? Am I picking up a bag of chips or am I picking up an apple? Makes a difference. And so, 30:48 and then the back to the spirit, what are you telling yourself in the midst of all of this? Are you telling yourself, well, whoa, this is the end. 30:55 I can't do this. This is too much. This is overwhelming. Why is this happening to me? Or you trying to find that silver lining 31:02 or you trying to find that glimmer of light to see, hey, there's a light at the end of the tunnel here. And I get that again, 31:08 from the public sector in an academy setting, from a great academy instructor that must have sold, he's passed now. 31:15 He would always tell us, if you think you're gonna die nine times outta 10, you're pretty close to it. 31:20 So if you continue to think that there's life in this, continue to think that no matter how gli it looks, 31:26 that there's life, you're speaking life. And if you always speak life, and even back to the Bible, it speaks about life. 31:32 And you have to speak life. If you're speaking life and you're giving yourself an opportunity to live, and if you're speaking death, you're not, whether you, 31:41 whether you're still up and you're dead. A lot of people are living, but they our life at a time. The power of self-compassion and giving yourself grace 31:47 Many people are living, but they're dead inside. They don't have any drive, they don't have any hope. 31:52 They're just taking it one day at a time. And they're literally living a, a, I won't say miserable, 31:58 they're living a on-purpose life. I always say find something that you enjoy, dig into it and, 32:04 and allow that to be the outlet that you need as well. You know, I tell a lot of people, you know your work you do 32:10 day to day, you love your work, that's fine. It's something else you'd like to do. You know, outside of work that's not a conflict of mean sport. 32:16 And you do that whether it be you join a, you know, whatever it may be a skating group or a cycling group 32:21 or something to give yourself the exercise and additional community that you need. 32:27 Community is important. I just attended, as a matter of fact, a training program. 32:33 Well, one of the speakers said something very profound. They had interviewed people on their last stages of their lives and they, and, and the question was, 32:39 if you had to do anything differently now, what would you have done differently? And they say that they would have, they would live the life 32:47 that they would wanna live, not the life that others expected of. And I remember that, you know, live the life that they would 32:55 wanna live, the life that they wanted to live, meaning the things that they wanted to do, the things that inspired them, the things that kept them going 33:02 as opposed to living what other people's other people thought that they may have needed to do. Also, the other one was that the survey results showed 33:10 how important community and connection was. Community and connection kept those individuals 33:17 that had made it in life a long time. They had community and they had connection. - For me personally, it seems like some 33:25 of those things are a little bit of opposing, right? So we have our community that we wanna pour into, we spend time with, 33:31 and when they need us, we're there and vice versa, right? And that's what honestly, personally drives me being able 33:39 to like be there for my community, which is family and close friends. And then they're there for me as well 33:46 and have done some, you know, incredible things in the ways in which they show up. But then as we're speaking about that drive 33:53 and self-care, essentially, where does that line come from, right? 33:59 Because with work being demanding and wanting to be 110, then you have school wanting 34:07 to be 110, right? Anything you, you make a commitment to, you clearly wanna be the best at or give your best. 34:15 And then you have your community, and then I know that you have, you have children as well. 34:20 So how and where did you find time for self-love and appreciation and filling your own cup 34:28 and then balancing your family and that community and your work and school. 34:33 - These are awesome questions. And that goes back to the life coaching and the mindfulness, because I needed that from me. 34:38 I, I literally got to a point to where I was having some challenges in my physical body that thankfully was not resulting to anything. 34:46 And the ultimately the diagnosis that was ultimately traumatic was just stress 34:51 was an overwhelming amount of responsibilities that my, we had reached its breaking point to 34:57 where my body was now responding in ways that was showing signs and symptoms of there being a problem when 35:03 thankfully there really wasn't. All the lab work, all the different skins or different things that was being done were coming back clear. 35:09 So ultimately, you know, you don't have a a there's nothing can really show. 35:15 You're just overloaded. And so that's where, if you don't balance yourself, I, I've learned the hard way. 35:22 And so because of that, that's why I talk to people in many settings. And when I say I have a, I'm certified life in my fitness 35:29 coach, this is, this is purpose work. This is calling mindbody and Spirit is calling work 35:36 because that's not work that I do, that I'm being paid in any capacity. That's what I did for me to help me. 35:42 And I use that as I navigate forward to help others. If it leads to other opportunities, it leads to other opportunities. 35:48 But for me, I needed it for me first, you have to put your own object and mask on first back to 35:55 what they tell you when you're on the airplane, you have to secure your mask. And if you don't secure your mask, 36:00 can't do that for anyone else. Back to the back to the public sector. If you don't believe that you can breathe, then you won't. 36:08 You will literally feel like you're suffocating. And I've been in those situations where you feel like you either having a panic attack 36:14 or something's going on because you're overwhelmed. And so what I've learned, a great leader told me along way, 36:22 Tawana, you're there for everyone. You show up for everyone. And at the end of the day, I'm sure your to-do 36:28 list is still there. Your, your tax list is still there because you've put out everybody else's fires. 36:34 What I need for you to do is with, with, with, with, with graciousness. 36:40 Don't allow your clients to control your day. You control theirs. 36:45 You let them know it's okay for you to get back with them. I've gotten your request. There's a few others ahead of you. Let me get back to you. Can I get back to you tomorrow? 36:52 Can you gimme 48 hours? Don't feel like you have to put out every fire all the time right away because people will expect you to do that. 36:59 And then ultimately your calendar is not full. I've learned the power of no, 37:05 and I will be honest, it took me over 40 years to do that. I've learned the power of no and I've learned the power of prioritizing 37:12 what I need to do. It is level of importance. And for me to know and what it is that I do, 37:18 my day may not go as planned because this is an industry that I'm in where emergencies can happen, things can happen 37:25 that take you off course world that I'm in would be understanding that, but at least knowing if it's something 37:30 that's not a true emergency, then I've categorized what need to be categorized. And people learn to respect your boundaries. 37:37 If you let them know, hey, I'm gonna need a few days. If they give you a project deadline and they tell you, Hey, I need this in two weeks. 37:43 If it's something that you absolutely cannot need, depending upon other assignments that you may have been given or other things you have going 37:48 on, then that's what an open dialogue, you should be free enough to express yourself to say, Hey, this is what I have going on, 37:54 this is what I'm doing right now. Is there any way we can kind of adjust the schedule or adjust the timeline or deadline or a minimum? 38:01 Let whomever know you wanna have to get back with you. And so that's how I balance. I also balance and make it, I take time. 38:07 For me, that's a lot. It's not as easy sometimes when your kids are younger because they have their own schedules as well. 38:14 Thankfully I have young, the young adult and adult now. So it, it's a little, it's tad bit better. 38:19 But when they were younger, sometimes you, you get off work. And I always say when you're really a progressive mom, 38:27 progressive parent, and I won't necessarily say females because men and women are parents. You know, when you are a progressive employee, 38:34 sometimes when you get off you have a whole nother job you're going to, and for some people that second job, 38:41 sometimes it's more pressing than the one they just left. And some people don't have a big window. So I always tell people from when you get off 38:49 to when you get home, I try to disconnect. Meaning the clothes you've had on all day, something is 38:56 a psychological piece of it. Let's get out of those. You're subconsciously telling yourself, 39:02 I'm separating myself from the day I just had. That's first and foremost. If you can't prepare yourself 39:09 and whatever it is, you're gonna change your clothes in, whether it be you're gonna be going to another event or helping your family or whatever it is, 39:14 just readjust yourself for a moment. Even if that moment is in the restroom. When you, you change your clothes and you step for a moment Practical strategies to stay focused & push through setbacks 39:20 and you just breathe for a moment that allows you to stay subconsciously. This is a new shift, this is new responsibilities, 39:28 this is new assignments, and I'm not gonna show up for, I'm gonna be present. Many people are not present. That's back to the mindfulness. 39:35 They're present, but they're not present either on their phone. They're talking to other people, they're not being responsive 39:41 or they're giving you have answers occupied. That's not creating the balance that's needed. 39:48 And so being present, being mindful your day out the way you need before you start a new task 39:54 and letting people know that you need a moment, including your kids, I've, I've gotten there along the way, 40:00 including your kids work, you know, mom or dad need a moment, you know, with moment as needed. 40:07 Can you gimme my hey and have the, have the maturity to allow them to tell you that they also need home. 40:13 - Because when we do that, we're modeling to our children that you too deserve a moment. 40:19 If you need to gather yourself or regulate yourself, verbalize it 40:24 and make sure people understand and respect your boundary just as I'm asking you to. - Yes. And a healthy outlet to peace. 40:32 If you're having a bad day, hey, it's okay to cry. I have sons, I teach, Hey, I, hey. 40:39 And I know sometimes it say to me, oh, a man needs to cry. You wanna shed a tear, you shed a tear because that's gonna release what needs to be un un. 40:46 It needs to be, that's gonna release what needs to be released. If you don't do that, it manifests in other ways back to 40:55 what I told you earlier, where it shows up in a number of ways. Whether is in your body, whether is in your, what 41:00 is in your response, whether is in your attitude. It shows up in ways that sometimes you don't even realize. 41:08 And so if the outlet is riding your bike, if it's a number of ways you can release from riding your bike, from walking 41:13 to things you like to do, whatever it may be, even if it's just when you get your family down for the evening, a good book 41:20 or quiet time before you go to bed. I used to get up early in the mornings when they were younger before the house got moving, you know, it, 41:26 it required me to be disciplined enough to get up at 6:00 AM I remember it at 6:00 AM and before the house got to moving, 41:33 that 30 minute window was everything, you're fresh, your mind is fresh, you for moment, you make your coffee, 41:39 whatever it is, your tea, whatever it is. And then you prepare yourself for the day before the hust and bolt up the day. 41:45 And then the same when you get off, I see people. And now sometimes when my kids are in daycare centers, I used to see some of the parents, they pull up, 41:52 they sit in the car for 15, 20 minutes, I'd say, oh, I know what they're doing. I prepare themselves before they actually go inside 41:58 to get their kid to start a new job, which is the second I have for their day, you know, 42:03 but I I, I got that's right, that's right moment. That was their moment to say, Hey, I need to show up 42:09 for the people I'm gonna forward you to get before I get them. I don't need to bring all this with me. 42:14 That's not something I feel. Yeah, or even your loved one, your spouse or just, 42:22 and even if it's just you, you know, show up for you at home and be the best you can be when you get out one wine 42:28 or watch your favorite show. The yeah, it takes balance in this life. I love these settings because I always say it takes a 42:35 healthy village and we're being a village right now to the people who are listening to this, the people who will listen to 42:42 some people, this is the only communication they're gonna get about this because they're too ashamed to talk to somebody about it or 42:49 - Exactly, they didn't realize they're e or to be honest and open about it. - Yes, because you're not alone 42:55 and you're not back to coaching and mindfulness, some of that right now. 43:01 You are not alone. I can assure you that someone has experienced what you've experienced and if they haven't, they will. 43:07 And if they haven't, this is your opportunity. You're gonna do it for a reason and for a purpose for you to take it. 43:13 In the words of Robin Roberts, make your mess, your message, you know, whatever it is, make it your message. 43:21 Yeah, she has, she has a, she has a book that back when, back when she was going through her cancer treatments, one 43:27 of them, she wrote a book and in the book it was Make your meh your Message was the theme of the book. 43:34 - Yeah, I may have to steal that quote. That's a really good one. How would you help habitual people pleasers? 43:40 Because I'm hearing you talk about balance. I also heard you say that you had a leader 43:46 that was influential to you, that actually directed you in saying you don't need to take care of everything right away. 43:51 Like you don't necessarily need to answer the question or jump on the need for someone right away. 43:58 How would you say that you actually balanced or even eventually got rid of being a people pleaser, 44:06 and how would you encourage those that are listening and myself to eliminate that 44:13 or mitigate it in, in a way in which is more manageable? - Ooh, that's a great question. 44:19 I, I found along the way that often people pleasers 44:25 innately, there may have been something along the way, you know, even when they were younger or an opportunity that was missed, something 44:32 that they really wanted to do that they could not, that they didn't get a chance to do, whether they just didn't have an opportunity to, 44:37 they couldn't get a chance to do it. Or it's something within them internally that makes them feel as though I have 44:44 to please someone in order to be recognized. Sometimes it comes from, sometimes it's simple as someone 44:50 that has a lot of siblings, they found themselves always kind of jockeying for time in the midst of four or five other siblings that they needed to figure out a way, 44:57 how can I get in front of mom or dad to make sure I'm seen? And they found certain ways to do that, 45:03 which would be excelling in certain areas. And so people pleasing. Psychological wise, 45:09 I'm a sociology minor psychologically wise, social wise, a lot of times it's kind of, it, 45:14 it's some innate things that are going on. But I always tell people, if you have a people pieing problem, first of all, you need 45:21 to analyze yourself to figure out why am I having a need to feel like I need to please everybody? 45:26 Just ask yourself that question. Why do I feel like I need to please everybody? Why do I feel like that's a requirement of me? 45:33 And then if you're doing it too much, just try to curtail it a little bit. Decide that, hey, either I, either I'm gonna show up 45:41 and give my desk and that's gonna be good enough as long as I'm showing up and giving my best. 45:46 If that falls short back to what I kind of mentioned early on, Hey, I just fell short 45:51 and I have to be okay with that. If I prepared and I showed up and I still fell short, it wasn't for me Towanna’s biggest lessons from her personal and professional journey 45:59 at the timing wasn't right, timing wasn't right. So we something, right. If you feel like you consistently 46:04 have to do that, literally pleasing people to your own demise, that's something that you have 46:10 to look in the mirror and say, well, why am I doing this? You know, why am I doing it? And is this, is this something I really need to do? 46:16 Is this healthy for me? And if, and, and obviously not, then we need to regroup 46:21 and say, well hey, you know, back to what the leader stated, I, this is something I might not be able to do today. 46:27 You know? And if you wanna give an explanation, you can, I think we should all be open and honest enough with where we are and what we're thinking in our journey. 46:33 If not, it feels resentment. You just kind of hang on to some things that you're needing to let go of or some emotions that you needed to express 46:40 that you're choosing not to because you're willing to please. You know, sometimes it just, it, it, it still is from 46:48 just wanting to be there for people. It may not necessarily be a a a displeasing or a, a matter of you wanting to please. 46:54 It's a matter of you just wanting to show up for somewhere to the point of your own own demise. 47:00 Back to the disappointment, you know, you get to points in life where you show up for people and even though you've shown up in all the ways you need 47:07 to show up, you can still be disappointed. The results still may not go to you what you wanted, 47:13 whether it be the role, the assignment, the job, the relationship, or whatever it may be. It didn't end up where you wanted it. 47:19 So you find yourself disappointed, you know, the expectations that you set or you wanted didn't happen, you know? 47:27 And so it ends up sometimes and disappointment, I don't look at it as failure. I try to, I, I try to say if I, if, if I didn't, 47:37 and win is not the greatest word either, because I, I, I'm real cautious into the words that I use because those align, win and fail very strong. 47:45 I, you taught an interview setting that there's certain words and connotations that you, you utilize something different 47:53 because in innately it helps. And so I always say I learned if I didn't get the goal 48:00 that I wanted, then what did I learn? I think in all, if you are gonna say the word failure, 48:05 you think in all failures, there's a lesson that was learned. So I try to focus on what did I learn here? 48:11 I may not have got the goal that I wanted, but what did I learn? Was it me not being a people pleaser? I didn't need to please people as much as I thought I did. 48:18 'cause they didn't show up for me. In the end, I need to not please as much, you know, maybe that was really one 48:23 of the reasons why I was taken advantage of, because I'm wanting to please to the capacity of being used 48:29 or being whatever you may have gotten. You have to kind of think, think that through. 48:35 So I always say I learned, what did I learn? And then on the wind, if you win even, what did you learn in the wind? 48:41 I think failure to, to, to say 48:46 that we, you know, the number of failure. Some people may back to those that are not of high esteem. 48:53 They may not try again. So I always say, what did you learn? What did you learn? You may have lost the game back to my sons and games. 49:00 You may have lost the game, but what you learn in the loss, you know, what did you, what did you learn individually or what does your team learn? 49:07 And then how can you all utilize that for the next game to hopefully win the same with life? 49:13 Back to disappointments, what did you learn through that disappointment to help you regather yourself, reset yourself to get up 49:20 and go it again for a different outcome? - That is such a great perspective and I am stealing it. 49:28 - Yes, that's - Right. Instead of failure or when my littles are playing basketball, my, 49:34 my 7-year-old Isaac loves basketball and he, he plays his dad's the coach 49:40 and you know, sometimes they lose, he'll get, so he'll just look so defeated. And so as his mom, the cheerleader, I'm always like trying 49:49 to say all the great things and sometimes I could see that regardless of that, you know, he's still sad. 49:54 And one day I just said, you know what bud? Sometimes we fail and as long as we get back up, that's all that matters. 50:00 Now we know not to do that thing or how to be better, right? And some, and it was, it was, 50:07 it's in alignment with what you're saying. Me lifting him up and just saying, oh buddy, you're like a great basketball player. 50:13 And I loved that shot that she made and this, and you know, that was kind of, eh, but when I told him, Hey, sometimes we're gonna fail 50:21 and that's okay because we learned what to do or what not to do in the future. 50:26 And to see him light up on, in that, I have to say I'm also very similar when someone could tell me 50:32 that I've done a good job on something and I'm like, yay. And, but what I really want is give me, 50:38 how can I be better at that thing? Even if, even if I'm, if I'm great at it or good at it, how can I be better at it? 50:44 Because that's my constant forward movement. And I could see that in yourself 50:49 and I could tell that this is the information or like the, the kind of coaching that you must be giving your clients 50:56 that I imagine must be very successful with this type of direction. 51:01 - Right? That is my, my son, real quick, both of them played collegiately and I, I I do, I do feel when it comes to team environments, back to your, 51:09 your littleness, being a part of a team is important. It's simply important. And some of the information 51:14 that you stated you're gonna now tell him is gonna help even transition beyond the basketball space 51:21 because what did he learn individually? What did he learn as a team? It's gonna help him be able to work with teams in a, in a, in a professional setting. 51:27 It's gonna be able to help him analyze his own individual performance as a part of the team. 51:32 What could I have done to help my team better? You know? And so, and those are the things that when you would mentioning you would take away some 51:39 of this to help, you know, that's awesome. I wanna be clear. I don't have clients, I don't have, 51:44 I'm a certified life and mindfulness coach. Those designations were, were acquired 51:50 for me to be better. For me, there are no clients. The, the, the clients 51:55 or the people that I talk to on a daily basis, I interact with talking to you. 52:02 And that's what I mean by passion and purpose and calling. I did it for me first 52:07 and foremost to help me balance, to help me be the best that I can be during a period of time in my life 52:14 that was needed, was needed for me to regroup, for me to readjust, for me to be the best that I could be so 52:22 that I can be who I need to be for me and for those around me, even writing the book, overcoming Disappointment, you know, 52:28 from optimistic Disappointment, it's, I, I didn't even write it in mind with I, I wrote it, all Final thoughts: You’re doing better than you think! 52:35 of this, all of this, again, was self-help for me, navigating through very challenging time in my life 52:42 where I needed to show up for me, I needed to show up for me. And so in a, in, in the midst of showing up 52:49 for me in the most profound way, I look myself in the mirror and I said, Hey, Tawana, you're showing up for you. 52:57 You've showed up for everybody all this time, and you're gonna show up for you now. And so what I want you to do is show up for you. 53:05 And so I I I, I, I thought about the life coaching. I said, well, hey, I, I, I, what are the tools 53:11 and things that I can use? I'm always helping people. I'm always praying for people or talking to people or helping people, but sometimes the very people 53:17 that have the wings, we need some that are wings too. And sometimes we may not be as, as I'm, 53:26 I'm eager it's not the right word, but we might not be as privy to someone that's 53:32 providing the information that we're giving to us. 53:39 Sometimes those people are just not available. You know, my godmother was my son's grandmother, was, was a key piece. You know, she had passed, she was gone. 53:48 So that phone call was no. You know, and so it's a lot of different things were happening as well that, you know, 53:54 and so life coaching, understanding you're who you are in innately. You know, the basic principle foundations of you, 54:00 the basic psychological pieces of you. Why are you people or why do you feel like that you're not, people aren't showing up for you 54:06 and you're showing up for them. Why do you feel like this happened? Or whatever it may be. And then your mind, how are you ling all of this? 54:14 Or you crying all day or you excited all day? It can be a variety of different emotions, 54:20 but whatever it is, are you healing it in the right way? So I learned the mindfulness and those things made the biggest difference for me. 54:28 And then to help me, again while helping other people. A part, a part of overcoming any disciplining situation 54:36 or overcoming is, as I explain it, figuring out what it is you need to learn, 54:42 helping other people and then moving forward. And that's what overcoming Disappointment the book is all about. 54:47 It's just, it's, it's a mini book that helps people identify, you know, their level of disappointment, area 54:54 of disappointment, what do they need to do to overcome it. And the best part about it is when you are on the other side 55:01 of it, help someone else. And so, and that's what it, that's where it all came. 55:07 - I am so taken back by the fact that you were so passionate about being a lifelong learner. 55:16 That even when you need something for yourself, you dive in, in the realm of higher education, right? 55:23 So you got your MBA, not necessarily for that. You necessarily needed it for your career, 55:29 but you were like, I wanna know this aspect of this career path, which is why you ended up going 55:36 to get the MBA and, and then the life coaching. You needed it for yourself 55:41 and you assume that you will help others as well. Not attaining clients, but simply having that knowledge so that you could, 55:49 could speak to others from a knowledgeable place, not just kind of, you know, where the wind sends you or, 55:55 but from a knowledgeable place to give really good advice, 56:00 which is powerful. And I wish more people who gave advice 56:06 would give it from an educational standpoint, because you actually went out of your way to make sure that 56:11 what you were saying was based in research and, and deep knowledge, which I think is excellent. 56:16 And you use that for yourself and for just those around you, your community, your friends, your family, those you work with to, to keep them on 56:24 that same forward path despite what life may be throwing at them. So I, and then I heard you say 56:30 that you're getting certificates consistently as a lifelong learner just to learn more of some as recently 56:37 as doing one for interviews as well. Is that right? - Yes. Certified. Certified forensic interview. 56:45 It's a CFI designation. It's the only designation that focuses on the order of interviewing. 56:51 Only in what I do day to day. I interview individuals for a number of number of reasons, 56:57 whether it be employee relations matters or other reasons. And there's an art to it, people's body language, 57:03 your eye movement, their tone. There's a number of things that you learn, even with fun interviews that give you an opportunity 57:09 to know whether or not someone's being honest or dishonest. That goes back also to the public sector also, 57:16 similar interview training at, at that time as well. A little different model in the private sector 57:21 because of course it's, it's a non-criminal environment in terms of the legalities of it, as opposed to the public sector. 57:28 But it's the art. There's still an art to it. I know for me, what I didn't mention going back to the roots 57:38 and, and this is how I know education for me is important, going back to the roots when you're coming out 57:45 of an environment, or I'm wanna say out, when you're reared in an environment where you're already at the disadvantage, 57:53 you're already per se, a advantage for me at that time. 57:59 And education was the key to me seeing more than what I could see. 58:07 What else could I do at that time to navigate beyond where I was? 58:15 So in terms of schooling, the, I I, I'm educating public schools, however, from middle school, I went 58:21 to a Vanguard Middle School. My mother had the presence of mind to, with the, with the third of the teachers to have me test it 58:28 for a Vanguard program, which we now know is magnet, a magnet program. And I was able to test into the magnet program. 58:35 So I was bused from my community across town to another school for the Vanguard program. 58:42 So I learned early on that education was my key to get beyond seeing what, what I can only see 58:51 again, you know, when you, when you're in and I, I keep going back to that environment. I have to go back to the environment because it wasn't inner city. 58:57 When I say inner city, it was inner city or lower income environment where you are, you're not able to necessarily have access to the same level of luxuries 59:06 that some other kids have. And so, along the way, me going to middle school, I got an opportunity in to go to school 59:13 with students from all over the city. So now I was able to tap into the world a flow new world 59:20 where I had, that were on the upper echelon. They lived in the North Rice University, or they lived over in Westchester. 59:25 They lived in different places and they didn't look like me either. And so I got an opportunity to now learn from my community 59:32 where the community was primarily African American tech community that was diverse. And education is what got me there. 59:38 So I learned early on, if I wanna continue to navigate beyond these spaces and places that I know that I, I'm not ashamed 59:46 of by no means. I love my community. I go in community all the time. Even today, I'm, I, it is who I am 59:52 and I'm proud that I come from my community. Okay? Because I can show you don't, it's not what you sort out. And it's, you know, if you, you can't forget those 59:59 behind you either, but it's not where you start. It's where you end up and it's what you do, what you have. Because many people, one side 1:00:06 and they still haven't accomplished as much because they just didn't work out for them. And so I learned early on that education was a key for me 1:00:13 to advance. And I've taken that by the him. And I've done that in everything that I do. 1:00:20 Knowledge is power. And I tell people it's the one thing that no one can take from, no one can take that from you. 1:00:28 You can show up with it. And unless you get some type of traumatic injury of some sort, that's 1:00:34 something that nobody can take from you. So if you gonna show up, educate yourself what's happening, do your research. 1:00:41 I've done your homework. And try to excel as best you can. And if it's a situation where they're taking the top 10% 1:00:47 back, then you try to be in the top 10%. The youngsters that I'm mentoring now, you have to show up 1:00:54 and in the, or in the old words of grandma show out. And if you done showed up and showed out 1:00:59 and that wouldn't good enough, but it just wasn't for you. My grandmother literal me 107. 1:01:06 I I that's a whole, that's a whole separate, I I cannot believe I did. Oh my God. A wealth of information. 1:01:11 She come up in a horse, we things and oh, the story. She could tell, she, let me, let me, 1:01:16 lemme regroup it. I love - That. So what, what, so grandma, grandma was 107. 1:01:23 You gotta, you gotta give me at least like one grandma antidote. - Oh, why grandma antidote. She gave a lot of antidotes. 1:01:30 Grandma was, oh gosh, grandma was playing lady, you get a wall with rum, number one. 1:01:38 I know, I know. She can go. I know her messages made. And number two, she believed in how things organic. 1:01:46 All things organic. She didn't, yeah, she had little form and little, you know, chickens and shit. Well she, everything was just homemade homegrown, 1:01:54 you know, she believed in that. She believed in the old oh, regimens from the apple side 1:02:00 of vinegar to the cast oil to the Yes. And so that equated to her long life. 1:02:05 And she believed in speaking her mind, hey, she didn't let anything all up in her. 1:02:10 So I learned down the line though, when I was eight into her as I got older. Yeah, so chill. 1:02:17 She lived me 107, 107 - Years. That is incredible. - She'd come through a lot. Where, can you imagine? 1:02:24 Yeah, I was still in law enforcement when she passed and the day that she passed everywhere, when paramedics 1:02:31 and people got wind that she had found, 107 year old lady had passed. People were just come and stop by, just ask if they could see her. 1:02:37 They had never seen anyone of her age. And when, when she passed inside of her death certificate, 1:02:42 when my grandmother picked it up from the mortuary office, mortuary, mortuary, mortician, they hit a note in there 1:02:49 that she was the oldest person that they had done an autopsy for that year. And she was the only one that had died of natural causes. 1:02:56 And they said it was their honor to do her autopsy. Can you imagine? She died 107 with natural causes, 1:03:03 just old age and just said she was starting not to remember us and she wouldn't be here for Thanksgiving. 1:03:08 And she wasn't. So she told you she slept and didn't wake up? Yeah, she told us, she said, I'm starting not to remember, 1:03:14 you know, starting have some memory issues. I'm starting to have some memory issues. She wasn't locked anymore. Her spine had given out. 1:03:20 She just outlived her spine is what, how the doctors explained. And so she was not bedridden, but she wasn't able, she wasn't mobile. 1:03:27 And so when she started not to remember us, I, yeah, I don't wanna not, I don't have to ask who are you again? 1:03:32 And so I won't be around for Thanksgiving. And she wasn't, she just snuck on and went. 1:03:39 - Well you're clearly keeping up with that lineage 'cause you are exceptional. I could see the extrovert in you helping you 1:03:47 in your public speaking. And I know that you actually professionally do public speaking as you were mentioning you'd love 1:03:53 to do a commencement. What does that look like for you and moving forward, what are your, your goals in 1:03:59 that particular career? - You know, that's awesome. Speaking for me, just came natural. 1:04:06 I've always, even going back to elementary, I, in my, I have some photos now. In my elementary class, I was, I was one 1:04:13 of the leaders within my class. My, I was the vice president of my little third grade class. 1:04:19 We had the classes. I had my, I had the same teacher for third, fourth, and fifth. And we had a leadership group within the third, fourth 1:04:26 and fifth grade class. And I have photos of me that it literally went up no matter 1:04:32 where I went in school, student council or student government or some form of student council I was a part of. 1:04:39 And so along the way you build the speaking just by nature of what you've done, even as, even as a child. 1:04:46 And then from there, going through to high school, I've always found myself in speaking capacity, even in the roles I'm in today, 1:04:53 oftentimes when someone needs a speaker or oh, they need someone to represent the department or need someone to, I'm voluntold 1:04:58 or I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm noted. And so people know I'm going, I don't mind doing it. 1:05:04 I'll, I'll show up and I'll get it done. I sometimes I can get it done just with a five minute notice. 1:05:09 And so that helps when some people, you know, they need a little bit of time to kind of deliver. And so where I see it going, people will tap me now 1:05:18 to do a number of speaking opportunities. Whether they need a speaker for their conference or a speaker for their podcast like this one. 1:05:26 Whether it be industry or MINDBODY spirit related or otherwise. And if I have the time to do it, and I, I get on the agenda 1:05:32 and I, I I I, I do it. It is a passion and calling for me to share 1:05:38 my life experiences, to share me. And again, I always say if it leads to something bigger 1:05:44 and better and beyond, I let my Lord and savior God that it wouldn't be something 1:05:51 that I say I'm necessarily set out to do. Life experiences. And me being me has allowed people to be interested in me. 1:06:00 And I'd either have to make the decision of whether or not I want to share the interest or I don't. 1:06:05 And I believe we're all here for a reasoning, for a purpose. And if my reasoning purpose for being here, a support of 1:06:11 that is me sharing who I am. If I can help someone, I've determined that that's what I'm gonna do. 1:06:17 Because I did it for so long, unknowingly. And then when people started to ask me to speak, I said, whoa. 1:06:23 Okay. And so you realize that hey, you something that you need to share and say people, 1:06:28 and I don't wanna be bashful with that 'cause I wanna be obedient. And so because of yeah, because of that. 1:06:33 Even if it's something I feel like, well, oh, is that a little bit too intrusive? Well, if that's something I wanna share, yeah, it's by God if, if, if, if it's been pressed upon your heart 1:06:41 to share, then it could help someone. And back to the godmother, if I can, when God sees fit, 1:06:48 and I hope it's no time soon, I wanna know that I left no stone unturned to what I could see 1:06:55 and do in this world within my own. And what and what and what I could control, you know, 1:07:01 and what I could, could, could kind of navigate in those things that I can't, I leave that, you know, back 1:07:07 to that prayer serenity that I now understand even more than I would always see on grandma's wall to the wisdom to, you know, 1:07:15 change the things you can know, the things that you can't, and most importantly the wisdom to know the difference. 1:07:20 That means a lot. Yeah. That means, that means I understand that really more now. And so I get up, I'm just, as I'm here now doing, doing 1:07:29 what I can do to help the podcasts and, and the people University of Phoenix has giving to me and I'm giving back to the university, even though, 1:07:35 of course other in exchange you, I paid for education, but hey, I, you, you become a part of a community 1:07:40 and this University of Phoenix is now a community that can be tapped into, there's other people that may go to school 1:07:48 and they're looking for an opportunity and you make the best of wherever it is you go, it becomes your community or it desert. 1:07:56 - You're right. And networking here at University of Phoenix and with our students at University of Phoenix, 1:08:02 I imagine has to be spectacular. I don't, I'm not an alum as of yet, so I haven't made the, 1:08:08 I'm not part of the, the Millionaire Club. I don't know if you know this, but we have over a million alumni, which is so, so you were part of that? 1:08:16 - Yes, I was a part of that. And I found out here recently that it, it is been over a me and in my own research just trying to 'cause it. 1:08:22 I'm also, again, and the reason why I, how I found that out is back to speak it. 1:08:29 I graduated from University of Phoenix in 2007. Quick, it's 2024. God's timing is his timing. 1:08:37 And I say, Hey, if University of Phoenix would like for me to speak or say something on behalf of the university, in my experience now this year, 1:08:44 then this timing is this timing for a reason and for a purpose. And I'm not gonna miss an opportunity 1:08:49 to take the opportunity to speak because they've asked me. So let me see, of all the people that they could have asked, 1:08:55 that's also a graduate of University of Phoenix. How many people is that? And so when I realized it was over a 1:09:00 million, I said, okay, not to one. If there were over a million people that have graduated from University of Phoenix, then you are now one of the millions 1:09:07 that they have tapped into. I didn't seek out University of Phoenix and University of Phoenix found me. 1:09:14 I believe in destiny. I believe that. Back to the dots, the dots are connected when they need to connect. 1:09:20 And so whatever it is, and for whatever reason I'm here today, it's gonna all show itself 1:09:25 and reveal itself as we go forward. Even if it's for me, Hey, this is my time to share 1:09:30 who it is, and I am the other university fees and graduates and others that may be one that come to the university 1:09:36 or someone that's just passing by the podcast to be inspired for the day. I hope that if that's you, whether you are a University 1:09:42 of Phoenix alumni or not, or someone that's interested in coming to university or just being better, that it's something 1:09:48 that I've said today to help me to be able to do that. My mission and purpose. I've shown up for the assignment 1:09:54 and I've completed it with good. With, with, with - Yes. Mission accomplished. 1:09:59 Before we finish speaking about your accomplishments, I do wanna lean into the book as well, 1:10:05 because as you were speaking, you did speak about like the great knowledge that you have based off on, you know, all of your research 1:10:13 and, and education and certificates. And you wrote this book to also help people 1:10:19 - Tell us more about the book is entitled for Mindfulness sake. Overcoming Disappointment 1:10:25 and for mindfulness sake was created just for that, for my own mindfulness sake. 1:10:32 Back to what I explained to you before. I got to a point to where it was a lot of things 1:10:37 that were going on and that me showing up for me was gonna be important for me as I navigated forward. 1:10:44 Me showing up for me would be important, important to know that it needed to be done ba basically for my own wellbeing, 1:10:52 mental, physical, spiritual, all of those wellbeings. And so through that journey for mindset 1:10:57 and sake was created as platform to be able to do just that. Inspire individuals to be the best that they can be. 1:11:05 Mindbody and spirit. For me, overcoming disappointment, disappointment in having some expectations that were set, 1:11:13 that were not met. I needed to move beyond that. I needed to get to a space in place where, hey, 1:11:20 you had these expectations and those expectations did not deliver what you had expected. 1:11:25 And you're disappointed more than anything as a result of it. But it does not mean the world stops. It does not mean that 1:11:30 because the disappointment is there that you cannot move beyond here. So what did I do to help myself move beyond that? 1:11:37 And for my own mindfulness sake, I got my life coaches certification, I got my mindfulness certification. 1:11:43 I, I started to study the order of mindfulness while creating an opportunity for life 1:11:48 to look better and to be better and do better while overcoming disappointment. 1:11:54 And how did I do that? I did that by tapping into my own, again, MINDBODY spirit, my own spiritual fiber, my own trusting in my Lord 1:12:01 and Savior to know that no matter what the disappointment may be, we can move beyond it. 1:12:07 And however way he sees fit the movie on it. Whether it be, whether it be you moving forward, whether it be reconciliation, whether it be a different job, 1:12:14 whether it be things, working out on that job, whatever it may be. And then second of all, processing what has happened to you? 1:12:22 You know, your body. What are you doing for your, for your edification? How you now moving forward to feed yourself physically, 1:12:29 spiritually, emotionally? What are you doing for the better? And then most importantly, your spirit. How are you nurturing yourself? 1:12:36 And then how are you helping others? Can you help others in what it is you've learned to now do better in their own 1:12:42 world and their own environments? And so that's where, for my sake, overcoming disappointment stem. 1:12:49 And it's a mini book. It's designed for it to be, it's a digital copy only at this point. And it is one Amazon, it's a digital copy. 1:12:56 You can upload it to your k if you have a K account, you can downloaded there and you can read it. It's on the phone. And it will be hopefully at one point a 1:13:04 paperback that can be paperback copied. That's a mini book because it's designed for you to carry it on the go. 1:13:11 If you get to the point where you have that bad day and you are, or a moment you can flip it throughout any 1:13:17 given page, it'll take you to something that can help you. That's very brief. It's not long at all. 1:13:23 You don't have to get lost in it. It's, it's designed for spirituality and for self-help. 1:13:28 And it's a little mini book to help you be better version of yourself, mind, body, and spirit. 1:13:34 Because we all have gotten, we can do better and be better. And we've been disappointed for a number of reasons. And it doesn't mean the world stops. 1:13:41 - That's right. So we can get this book, hopefully it comes in print at some point, but if not, then we could have it on our digital device 1:13:47 and have like a Tijuana just right there in our pocket to help us guide out of the frustration. 1:13:53 - First book. I'm author, I do have one more in me. I, i, it, it, it, it will, I, when I say one more, 1:13:59 it's been, it's been in me for some years now, but it's gonna take a minute for that one to come 1:14:04 to publication in its own timing. I like to, people often ask, well, 1:14:11 when you released the vote, did you, did you have a certain year? I, I, I'm, I'm led again, spirit wise by energy. 1:14:19 Energy of what Spirit says. If it's, if, if it's God's time to release it, then I released it. 1:14:24 If it's God's time to, to write a blog post and I write a blog post, I'm led by how I'm led. 1:14:30 When I'm led, I don't force. I've, I've learned now, I don't force anything. If it's gonna be, it's gonna be, if it's going 1:14:37 to end, it's going to end. If it's meant to evolve, it bloom, it blooms. If it's meant to die off, it dies off. 1:14:43 I don't question any of it because I stepped to order the steps of a good personal order and the righteous never go forsaken. 1:14:49 And so through my own self help, I, that's how I did. 1:14:55 And, and it has met, it has, it has really changed things in so many ways 1:15:01 - Here. Just listening to your encouragement today has been 1:15:07 great for me. I'm, I'm honestly myself taking all of these bullets, like yes, that makes sense. 1:15:12 Yes, that makes sense. So I'm, I'm confident ar listeners are doing the same. And when you were speaking before about stress 1:15:21 and how that stress was literally like manifesting itself on the outside of you, like your, your skin possibly, 1:15:29 or maybe your organs are like it literally making you sick due to something that is, you know, self-designed. 1:15:37 It's, it's here. And whether we can or can't do anything about that thing that we are stressing on, 1:15:42 we are then causing ourself more problems physically, emotionally, and even there's been studies about 1:15:49 how it affects your, your brain stress. Like how you could, you could lose brain cells. Like there's, there's a great study that they're continuing 1:15:56 to do on stress and just how it affects, you know, the, the everyday person 1:16:01 and how it could be so destructive it could affect your vision so, so much more. And so I love that you had actually been 1:16:08 so transparent in saying that, that at one point when you were trying to balance all of these things and though you were being successful in 1:16:16 them, it still created a great deal of stress, which then 1:16:21 actually affected your, your overall health. And to say that you have two children 1:16:27 that have graduated from college and to see how youthful you look, it is clear 1:16:34 that the way that you were moving with these, you know, this, this new gratitude and understanding, you know, that you have to move things 1:16:42 and say yes to what you can say yes to and no to what you can say no to is clearly working for you. 1:16:50 You look incredibly healthy, you're glowing. And I, I know that I would want that for myself to be just 1:16:57 that emotionally and physically healthy and avoid of stress. 1:17:02 So I'm gonna have to pick up that awesome book to have a twan in my pocket during some hard days and, 1:17:08 and remind me of some of the things that I could anchor to - Thank you so much. And I, I, I, I say now with pleasure, 1:17:16 I've always said with pleasure. And tomorrow is my birthday. It's my 54th birthday. 1:17:21 I say my age with gladness. Here's why I've been here 54 years. Okay? 1:17:28 I'm on behalf a century old. Thank God it all look like what I've been through. I wanna know that I can share. It's just getting better. 1:17:36 - Yes, with age comes wisdom, right? Yes. - Age comes wisdom and it's just getting better. It is just getting started. Okay? Age with age comes wisdom. 1:17:44 Your kids have grown and they're, yeah. It's just, it's, it's a whole new world can open up for you 1:17:49 or you can say, well, I'm getting old. I'm like, I don't have no outlook - Is everything. You've had so many achievements, so many. 1:17:59 Within those, which are you most proud of? - Ooh. 1:18:08 Wow. Oh, that's a good question because I don't, I don't necessarily rank one 1:18:15 higher than the other. Academically the achievement is just getting it done. 1:18:23 I'm happy that I was able to get it done because so many people start and they don't finish it for a number of reasons. 1:18:30 And so I would have to say equally getting it done. 1:18:35 'cause that, that means more than the starting as I mentioned earlier, it's how you finish. 1:18:41 And so I was able to finish it in the midst of working in a, yeah. 1:18:47 Young kids at that time, progressive role. Yeah. So the greatest accomplishment is getting it done. 1:18:55 It's, it's, it's getting it done. It's getting it done. - That's excellent. Okay, we are gonna jump right into these rapid fire 1:19:01 questions. Are you ready? - Yes. - Book that changed your life. 1:19:07 - Rich Dad, poor dad, - Early bird, or night owl? - Ooh, I'm an early bird now. 1:19:19 - Early bird. Your go-to productivity hat. - Go to productivity. Ooh, ooh. 1:19:30 And I, I'm gonna take a literal candle though. Just a little. I, I, I, there you go. 1:19:37 - And then what do you do to relax? - Oh, what I do to relax. Oh my gosh. Oh gosh. 1:19:43 I, I-I-I-I-I like to do a lot of things just solo. Whether it be watching the sunrise, watching the sunset, 1:19:50 listening to get some good south music. Love live music. Absolutely love live music. 1:19:57 So anything live music related now, that's where you have to get there. I can leave, listen to it on a on 1:20:03 or, you know, on music app or in person. - Yeah. You can't go wrong with live music. I agree. 1:20:11 So, speaking of music, what's your go-to karaoke song? - Ooh. Oh, you know, I'm not a big karaoke fan 1:20:19 because I, I don't, I can't sing unless I can't. Oh, y'all can, but you know, I don't, you know, and that's a great question. 1:20:25 'cause usually when you're out and about the karaoke places, I'm the, I, I'm the one that find myself flipping through all the different songs, trying to see if I can, 1:20:32 I don't, I don't have one. - I don't, I don't. So what's your favorite song? - Oh wow. And that varies. 1:20:41 And when I say music is more, it is more like what's in right now. Oh, that's a good one. What's my favorite song? 1:20:50 Oh, I like Whitney Houston. I'm every Woman. But I wouldn't necessarily say that's my favorite. Oh wow. I don't have a favorite. No. You have a favorite. 1:20:58 Yeah, I go to music, but I don't have a favorite song. Yeah. You can't go wrong with Whitney. But when I say go to music, 1:21:03 it's not necessarily saying I'm going to one particular song. It's kind of like, what's happening in the moment? What can I resonate with right then? 1:21:09 I don't necessarily have a favorite song that I can think of right off. If I did, I would tell you it would've came, 1:21:16 it would've came to my, I'm thinking you're saying, I'm think I'm thinking you're saying 1:21:23 Morning the night Tea, tea, your coffee. - You know, I may have to switch 'em up. 1:21:29 They could be too in depth. I I, I'm picking up what you're putting down. Tea or coffee. - Coffee, - Coffee. 1:21:34 - Yes. - What's for breakfast? - Oh, what's the breakfast? English and muffin. With either peanut butter and jelly or either a bacon egg 1:21:42 and bacon and egg muffin. - Ooh, very good. You are healthy. I like that. What is your personal motto? 1:21:48 - Ooh, my personal motto is, that's a great one. 'cause I have so many. 1:21:55 Give yourself some grace as I get older. Just give yourself some grace. And you doing the bed and you showed up today, you woke up 1:22:02 and you showed up, you put your clothes on. Everything's matching. Your health is, well, I mean, just give yourself some grace. 1:22:10 'cause it's not all that bad. You need to think about it. It's somebody somewhere that's doing worse. 1:22:16 So just give yourself some grace. - Give yourself some grace. That's a good one. 1:22:23 Well, that's it. Your closing thoughts. Tell us if there's anything that you wanna share with everyone. 1:22:29 The floor is yours. - My closing thoughts would be around grace. 1:22:34 Yeah, I like this because, you know, they, they have the, you know, faith Fridays in some settings. 1:22:40 I do a lot of the playback of those. What I would say is that, you know, life is what you make it. 1:22:46 It is what you make it. And oftentimes it may not be what you envisioned, 1:22:52 but it is what you make it. So just give yourself, as I mentioned before, a little grace. 1:22:58 As long as you've done and you're doing the very best that you can do with what it is that you have and you have a vision 1:23:04 and goal for where it is you're trying to go and be and you are working diligently to get there, 1:23:10 just give yourself some grace. And sometimes grace means taking a piss stop. 1:23:16 That may mean taking a day or two for yourself. That may be sitting that project aside for a day or two. 1:23:22 But pick it back up. You know what I mentioned earlier. Just finish it. Just finish it, you know, 1:23:27 whatever it is you set out to do, you know, just, just finish it and finish it as best that you can. 1:23:32 Whatever that goal is, just, just finish it. Just try to finish it as best you can. 1:23:37 That's what I would Excellent advice. And that's what I would, that's what I would say. 1:23:44 And this is all education more than anything, but just finish it. 1:23:49 Yeah, just finish. Just finish it. I think we'll kind of put it back on the edge of PI guess. Yeah. Just finish it 1:23:56 - Before, before we go today, please tell everybody where they can find you. - You can find me on LinkedIn. 1:24:02 I have a LinkedIn profile there to Brazil. It's there. You can also, the book from our's sake, 1:24:07 overcoming Disappointment is on Amazon, Amazon Prime, Kindle. We have to have Kindle in order for you to upload it from our's. 1:24:14 Sake. Also has a Facebook page. It is just daily reminders of what you can do to be the best version of you, mindbody and Spirit. 1:24:22 There's also a blog post on my Absolute Faith that's on website. There's a block message there as well. 1:24:27 Blog posts of just inspirational messages that come from the heart, that's led, that's led by 1:24:33 what the spirit nudges need to write about at that time. And it's all self-help. It's all self-help so that we can be the best versions 1:24:41 of our self mind, body in spirit. It takes a healthy village out here. And we're just among those that's in the village, 1:24:47 our community of people. And I want everyone to know that no matter where your life takes you and whatever is, no matter what's going 1:24:53 on, you're never alone. Make sure you surround yourself with healthy whole people 1:24:58 that are learning to see and see the best in. You want to bring out the best in you. And if that's not happening, sometimes you have 1:25:05 to change the environment or scenery that you're in. But give yourself grace along the way. 1:25:10 Give yourself some grace because you're doing better than you think you are. - Yes, give yourself some grace. 1:25:17 You're doing better than you think you are. I don't think there is a better way. You could have ended this incredible episode. 1:25:23 Thank you so much Tawana, for spending this time with us, sharing your journey and more so sharing your incredible advice 1:25:31 coming from your great wealth of education. We appreciate you and we thank you so much for, for joining us today. 1:25:38 And that brings us to the end of this episode of Degrees of Success. Don't forget to like and subscribe and comment. 1:25:46 I'm your host, Frieda Richards, reminding you that your next chapter just might be your best one yet. 1:25:51 See you next time.