Breaking Generational Trauma: From Childhood Struggles to Success | Degrees of Success™ Podcast | Episode 10

0:00 - Welcome to the Degrees of Success podcast. 0:14 My name is Freda Richards and I am your host. Today we are joined by an incredible guest. 0:20 We have Takeisha Sykes. She is an author, an owner of a nonprofit, 0:25 and a two-time University of Phoenix alum, currently getting her doctorate in business. 0:32 Takeisha, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for inviting me. Listen, you have an incredible story. 0:37 We've been chatting about it a little bit offline, and I just wanna jump in. Tell me where this incredible character came from. 0:44 - Okay, well I'm old. I'm the oldest of five. 0:50 My mother, she's a graphics artist, a seamstress, and she sung Middleton the first black cheerleader. 0:58 So, you know, that's my mother. And then my grandmother, she was, she did a lot of art too, 1:04 but she was a seamstress as well. She did a lot of things in the community. 1:10 And I came from two strong women. 1:15 So being the oldest of five children, though, it was a little tough because, you know, we didn't come up 1:24 with, you know, we didn't come from no money or anything. So my mom worked and I had to be home and take care of the kids. Growing up in trauma & overcoming childhood struggles 1:31 So at five years old, I learned how to cook, changed diapers, pick bottles. 1:37 And my aunt, every time she talk to me, yeah, she talks, talk about, you remember you used to take your little chair 1:42 and put it in front of the stove. So I did a lot of stuff, 1:47 I had a lot of responsibility. And back then, when I think about it now 1:53 and being more back then, I was like, I shouldn't have been doing that. But when you come from a certain life, 2:03 a lot of things you dunno is trauma. So you go through a lot of things 2:08 and you don't know it's trauma, you don't know you're suffering, you don't know, like you, 2:13 if you miss a meal, like, well, we just didn't eat today. So, you know, you know, it just, it's just a, a normal, 2:21 but it's not normal. But it's, it was our normal. So seeing how my mom struggled 2:28 and she was into a lot of stuff, doing a lot of stuff. I, we were, as children at one point 2:37 I used be teased a in school, so I would be like, I, 2:42 I didn't talk lot. 2:52 And at 18 2:58 put out my mother's house at 16. So when I was 16 I got kicked out 3:04 and I just tried to, I had to figure it out. So 18, I went to Job Corps 3:10 and when I went to Corps I certification, I got my G GED and stuff 3:18 because I always still try. No matter what was going on at home, I always still tried 3:23 to do something. I always tried. So, you know, things weren't always easy. 3:30 And I got pregnant at 18 to have my first child at - 1818. Where does that drive come from? The, the always trying. 3:38 Where does that drive come from in you? Because I'm hearing a, a pretty tumultuous 3:45 upcoming with, you know, mom and grandma being incredible, working really hard, 3:53 but at five you're quite literally at a stove and responsible 3:59 and helping raising your, your siblings. 4:04 So where do, where do you think that that, that drive comes from? - Just being, just being in the environment that I was in, 4:13 seeing my mom and my grandmother both just keep going. No matter what they were going through, 4:18 they just kept trying to push through. Just watching that, watching them 4:25 being raised by my mother and my grandmother. I had a balance because when I was my grandmother, I'm doing stuff, 4:34 you know, being in the, in the neighborhood, doing different things. My grandmother had me in, in Cub scouts. 4:42 Everybody was like, why not Girl Scouts? I said, listen, I was a, a tomboy anyway, so it just, 4:49 and so I would always doing different things. My grandmother was a Eastern star, 4:55 so she had us in different parades and I always had to lead the parade. 5:01 I'm like, why? Because I'm shy. So she was like, no, just keep going. 5:07 And it was just that, just being in an environment when I'm at 5:13 with my mom is like, I'm raising the kids. I'm there with them and I'm always having to be with them 5:20 and I'm not able to do too much because I'm always to babysit. - Lemme, lemme ask you a question. 5:26 Were you your grandma's favorite? - Some people that, but a lot of my grandmother, no, 5:33 I wouldn't say I was her favorite. I wouldn't, I wouldn't say her favorite, 5:39 but I mean, she had me a lot. So when I first was born, she had me from birth The mindset shift: From survival to success 5:45 until I was like five years old. My mom was still in college, so my mom was gonna college, 5:57 girl, girl, you know. But I was, I always spent a lot of time with my grandmother, 6:06 so it just was natural. It wasn't like I was her favorite. A lot of my family think 6:11 that my mom kids were my grandmother's favorite and favorite, and it's just that we were always, were there. 6:21 She had us field, she had us in the field doing the vegetables, picking the vegetables and stuff. 6:28 We had to shuck and, and pick and shuck corn. So I keep wait one, we're always there. 6:36 And then when our cousins come, they just get the joyful grandmother and we had to work. 6:44 We were in, we were in the yard, like picking weeds and stuff. But I think that helped us see who we are now. 6:53 All of us be who we are. - Absolutely. I think it's instrumental. I, I like you, my mother had me at 19 and so, 7:02 and then she went off to the military and my great-grandmother, Frida and my grandmother, Wanda, had a great hand in raising me. 7:10 And just like you, they put me in all the things, all the things including like, tap, jazz, lyrical, modern, 7:18 I did all the things dance wise and a few others. I played guitar. I was horrible at that. 7:25 But you know, if they, if they thought that I could, they would put me in it. So I, I understand that. 7:33 And then I, that pattern your mom had you at, you said 24? - Yeah, yeah. And my grandmother, 7:42 she had me in modeling, my mom had me in African dancing, so I was always doing something. 7:48 I think they kept, they tried to make sure that we stayed doing something active so we wouldn't be like in the streets. 7:55 So we were all active and always doing something. - That's incredible. I, I love 8:01 that they were very intentional with you all. Tell me, as you were the oldest and you're clearly leading your siblings, you had 8:08 to have someone to look up to yourself. Who was your inspiration as a child? 8:15 - I didn't have really any inspiration because I was too busy. 8:21 I couldn't go outside, so I wanted to go outside. I was in the window looking at everybody else outside. 8:28 So as far as inspiration, I didn't have no one to look up to, 8:34 but my mom and my grandmother. So we couldn't even listen to music like that. 8:41 So I, I don't, I don't know. - Sounds like your, both your grandmother 8:47 and your mother were very influential and in different ways. Tell me about, I, I know you had a very close relationship 8:54 with your mom because along with being an author and owning a nonprofit and having your own energy drink, which I can't wait 9:01 to find out more about, and also try, you also had your own radio show 9:07 in which she joined along with you. Can you tell me more about that? Yeah, - I was very supportive of everything I did. 9:15 So when I did the radio show, she would always be the first person to call in and be on. 9:22 So then I'd just bring her on so she can talk to the guest and, and everything. And, and she'd go to the store, 9:30 she'd have me in her pocket on the phone and she'd be like, my dog is on the radio. She like, she just liked to brag. 9:36 So when she had, when she got cancer, we found out she had cancer. 9:42 She was in a hospital and she, she made me stay in her room because every time I went out the room, it was like a lot 9:50 of people sitting there talking and she was like, see my daughter's famous. 9:56 Like, she was always bragging saying I'm famous. I'm like, no, ma, I'm not famous. Like, she was like, 10:01 now why is all these people following you inside my room? So she told me I had to stay in the room and I couldn't leave. 10:08 So, but she was very supportive of that and she was very, very proud of that, 10:14 of me being on the radio. But during the radio I was very shy. 10:19 Like, that thing says you have, you know, your show is scheduled to go live in five seconds. Healing & self-improvement techniques that worked 10:25 And I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm panicking having a whole anxiety attack. Like people that next to me said, you know, listening 10:32 to you, I never knew you'd do this on the back end. I'm like, no. Like, listen, on top of sweating, 10:38 like tears about to come out and it says you're now live. And then I have to get myself together. 10:44 I'm like, what's good everybody. So, so then it was go time and I just had to go 10:51 - And you did it. I could see why your mother's proud of you because what a way to triumph. 10:56 If you are an introvert or fairly shy, but you have this gift inside of you, 11:01 you have an incredible personality. As soon as I sat down and heard your voice and got to chat with you, I thought, oh my goodness, 11:08 this is gonna be so much fun. So I could see how other people could be taken back that she would be shy just due to the fact 11:15 that you have such a genuinely incredible personality. And I, I wanna dive in more to not just your personality, 11:22 but really your character because you were a caring person, you 11:28 have a great desire to wanna help people. Tell me about how that desire leads you 11:34 and what it is that you've done with it thus far. - Well, knowing that, you know, all the things that I 11:41 witnessed and I've been through growing up, I don't wanna other people go through that. 11:47 I know I didn't mention this, but I was a foster mother, 11:52 so a foster mother I had, they, they gave me, well, I asked them only for one child 12:01 and they gave me three and they was like, oh, it's just temporary placement. 12:07 They were just gonna spend a night and I end up having them, but they all looked up to me like their mother. 12:13 Then I had other kids that was a part of the program that wanted to come to me 12:18 because I'm the only foster mother that's actually buying their foster kids, things like, 12:27 but they told me not to get too attached to the kids and that I can't look at them as a mother. 12:33 And I'm like, that's what they're, they need though, - Right? - They needed love. And they was like, no, you can't, you can't get close 12:41 to them and you have to make sure that you look at this as a business and look at them as a check. 12:49 And I was like, I can't do that. And then I had one little boy just kept 12:55 begging to come to me. He was like, please come, lemme come stay with you. But I had girls and the girls that I had were pregnant and, 13:06 and the girls that I, by me having these pregnant girls, I couldn't mix the two because he was a older boy, 13:11 so I couldn't have him but the girls. So I told him I couldn't have him. 13:17 He eventually went to his mom and then he got killed by his brother. - Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. 13:25 - Yeah, so then I stopped doing that because I just, I know these kids need help. 13:32 I know these kids need love. I know these kids, the, the kids that I had, they were 13:41 from different backgrounds, so it wasn't something I was used to being around 13:48 or having to deal with, but I tried to nurture them and that is what helped them 13:55 because the one girl, she is a great mom, the other girl, she's a great mom too, 14:01 but it's like they came from two totally different backgrounds and 14:09 raising these other people's kids, it was kind of hard because one was 14, I was 15 14:15 and I had a 10-year-old boy that was a sibling of the 15 year fostering. 14:23 I would do not recommend, but if you have the passion for it, 14:29 because you're not really getting, they wanted me look at these kids as checks, but you're not getting money to make it seem like 14:37 it would be worth that. Like you gotta have passion for it. But I'm watching all these 14:43 kids getting hurt in the foster care system and that made me want to do something 14:51 for like young girls or young teenagers on, I'm looking into doing something like 14:56 that because one of my foster kids that I had, she still keeps up with me. She always called me mom still, she always calls me Why breaking generational cycles matters 15:05 whenever she feel like, you know, she needs somebody to talk to. She told me she got her own business too. 15:10 And she told me that it was because of me that it inspired her to do all the stuff. 15:15 - Of course it's because of you, because you were a light, you took the opportunity 15:21 to help these children in the midst of them becoming mothers themselves 15:27 and the sibling, that in itself is a huge responsibility, especially because at the time, were you an empty nester? 15:33 Because I know you were, your four children are outta the house now. - I was not hardly an empty nester. 15:39 My daughter had a baby, my mom had just passed. So it was kind of like, I'm, I'm going through my healing, 15:47 but then I'm trying to nurture these kids because like, I dunno, kids always 15:54 gravitate to me for some reason. And I dunno, I just, I just felt this passion. 16:02 And actually before I did it, my mom, I was talking to my mom on, on her death end about it 16:08 and she was like, you'll make a great parent. You should do it. And that's why I did it. 16:13 - Because mom told you you'd be incredible at it. - Yeah, she didn't say 16:20 - She did not. I'm sure she didn't say that. Oh my goodness. 16:26 So you have been a servant to those who were in desperate need 16:34 that has been an echo through your life as you helped your mother when you were five with the, 16:40 the other siblings changing the diapers and feeding them and so on, helping grandma in the garden, shucking corn. 16:48 Remember when the worms would come out of the corn? Oh, that's why she had us - Do it. 16:53 These are worms, that's why she had us do it. 16:59 But I've seen so many people suffer throughout life and I've suffered through throughout life that I don't, 17:05 I want to show people, I want people to know and understand that they don't have to be stuck 17:11 where they're, because a lot of people feel like because of how they grew up, that they have 17:17 to remain that and they don't. It's like everything is a choice and you, you are, you have the power to make 17:24 that own decision on yourself of what you wanna do with your life. And I want people to understand that. 17:30 But I also want people to feel passion and feel love. Like I want pe everyone to experience love 17:36 because love is a beautiful thing. And that's like a big thing for me. Like I really want people to know that they're loved, know 17:43 that people out here care about them. So that's why I help the homeless. I help the homeless. I feed the homeless, I make a meal and do that once a month. 17:51 And you know, sometimes it, it gets hard because I'm using my own money. It's hard to get donations and stuff, 17:57 but it's something I wanna do. So I don't wanna beg nobody to to help me. It's something that I chose to do. 18:03 And I'm looking at a lot of these people and they, and people say these people chose to do that. 18:09 Yes, some of them do. Some of them do. And the reason they do, because I talk to everybody, 18:15 they treat everybody like a human being. And I talk to these people and I listen to their lives. 18:21 And if you listen to them and talk to them is a lot to learn from these homeless people. 18:27 Because some of them had come from like money and you know, they, they went through a loss, like they went 18:34 through through a divorce or they lost a child. Like they, they suffered some type of trauma 18:40 that made them just give up on anything else. So I, to them, and I learn a lot from them, 18:47 and a lot of people don't understand, but you can learn from everybody and everything. - You can learn from everyone 18:53 and your perception may not always be correct. I had a situation where a young lady explained to me 18:59 that she saw a gentleman that was homeless and she'd given the gentleman money 19:06 and this lady was like, don't give him money, he's just gonna use it for liquor. And later she'd gone back to that same gentleman, 19:14 he did have, I think a beer or something along those lines. Then she said, well why do you drink? 19:23 Like, don't you wanna do something better? And she said, well, when you sleep on the ground at night, 19:28 there's bugs and critters and things that crawl all over you and there's nowhere else for me to sleep 19:35 and the only way that I could rest is if I'm inebriated because the the bugs stop me from being able to rest. 19:45 - Right? - And I thought, well wow, when she told me that story, I mean, if that doesn't open up a perspective, 19:52 you know, people are, can be judgmental, but in reality this gentleman just just wanted to sleep 19:59 because where he's sleeping is infested with bugs and other things. 20:05 - And they're passionate people, like they help each other. Because when I was homeless as a child 20:12 and my mom had five kids, you know, being homeless, all of them helped her with her kids. 20:18 Like everybody was giving her stuff. Like, these people are people who don't have anything and they were giving her a thing. 20:25 And then when I became homeless as a parent with my children, they, a lot of people was helping me. Giving back & helping others heal 20:31 Like a lot of the mothers that was inside the shelter was helping me. So like when I'm in the street, 20:39 like if I'm walking down the street and I something, I'm like, I can get one mind. 20:47 Like they, we are very passionate people. They really look out for each other. 20:52 - So you experienced homelessness as a child and again, with your own children 21:00 and you had the opportunity to see other people give and take care and share for survival. 21:07 And you now have a great passion to do the same thing for others in that same situation. 21:13 - Yeah, I, I just, I've always, I've always been a giver, but I've always been a helper. 21:20 I mean, I've always been a helper. I just, I know that people be 21:27 looking at people like, oh, they're on drugs, they're on alcohol, but you dunno their life, dunno their history. 21:33 You dunno what they're trying to cover up or, you know, stay away from 21:40 because you dunno their experience. And people that know some of the details 21:45 of the things I've experienced, they try to figure out why I don't do anything. So I was like, I dunno, just, I just shoulda gotta, 21:56 was it, I mean, what else can you do? - Well, there's other things that you could do, 22:02 but you make a wise choice to do otherwise, which is focusing on giving back, focusing on changing the trajectory of others' lives, 22:10 focusing on giving and loving and creating books 22:18 and guides to help people get out of that tragedy. So I want I want you to gimme a little information about, 22:25 I mean, you're, you're an author and your passion is to help people. And this particular book, the the last one that you wrote 22:33 is actually about healing people through emotional trauma. - The last book is like a Johnny Spiritual healing, a Johnny 22:42 through spiritual healing. So it's called the audacity, like, it's like the audacity 22:48 of you thinking that you're not good enough or the audacity that to think that you don't deserve great things. 22:56 So I, I created a book to guide people on if they wanted to heal different steps 23:02 that they can take to go through that healing. - Give me a synopsis. What is, what would be a few quick steps to help heal 23:11 during, if you, if you had those types of triggers? - Oh, well, shadow work is one, 23:18 I go briefly through shadow work at the beginning through self love. I, I go through meditation, yoga, 23:28 I give different steps of meditation because a lot of people say that they don't know 23:35 how to meditate. And so that's why I, you know, put in book 23:43 meditation and it's okay that you, if you lose focus, it's okay to just regain focus and get back into it. 23:51 Just, you just gotta keep trying. - Are these steps that you took, because I know that fairly recently you lost your mother, 23:59 who you're very close with, and that, that trauma, 24:04 that grief definitely lives in your body. Are these steps that you took to help heal 24:11 - Eventually? Yes. The first steps I took was to try to keep myself busy, which is not really a good step 24:18 because you're not dealing with the emotion and you're not dealing with the pain of the loss 24:23 and you have to deal with it. And crying is a form of release. So I had to set aside times where I needed 24:33 to cry to get a lot of that pain out. So that is a part of releasing and going through it. 24:40 And once I went through that, then I started taking the other steps of letting go 24:46 forgiving and healing. I, - I can, I can't imagine the pain of losing a mother. 24:54 I recently lost my grandmother, who I was very close with. October 26th was the one year anniversary of that. 25:01 And I did EMDR and that was super powerful 25:07 and I, like you decided to jump into doing all of the things. 25:12 So I, it's right when I started my doctorate, it's right when I just kind of just got into everything. 25:18 I actually was gonna run for councilwoman as well, just simply thinking, you know what, I could win that. 25:23 That's fine. I'll just, I'll just do all of those things. To your point, you know, 25:28 people make different choices in the midst of grief. It affects everyone very differently and it, it is not processing it. 25:35 So I imagine that your book will really be helpful for people not only in grief, but people that are dealing with childhood trauma. 25:43 I know that you said that you were also passionate about men and healing. Tell me more about that. 25:50 - Well, you know, men don't get a chance to heal. They don't have, a lot of men don't have the avenue on how 25:57 to heal because they're always taught that they have to be 26:02 the, the man of the house. They have to be the support they have to, they are, 26:08 they're putting all these responsibilities that they don't get a chance to. No one actually ask the men, well, how are you doing? 26:17 How are you feeling? And a lot, I noticed a lot of, a lot of people feel more passionate towards a woman 26:24 and the men be left out. And I'm seeing all these videos and I'm watching a lot of stuff 26:30 and I saw where a man had found out a child wasn't his, but everybody went to the woman, you know, embracing her 26:40 and he's standing there in tears. Like I, stuff like that all the time. And I, it just, you know, I, I get a little 26:48 emotional about it, but I just feel like men needs an avenue on how to heal 26:53 and let, and men need to know that it's okay, it's okay to be frustrated, it's okay to be upset, it's okay to heal, 27:01 it's okay to cry because, you know, a lot of men are taught that you're not supposed to cry and it's okay 27:08 because if you're pulling all this stuff in now you're just angry for no reason. - Right. Where, where does your passion 27:17 for men's mental health come from? Because I completely understand where childhood trauma comes from. 27:25 I could definitely understand where grief comes from and then obviously your desire and love to serve and help. 27:31 Where does the passion come from for mental, mental health? 27:36 - Well, I was a tomboy and always was around men, So I was always around guys 27:44 and trying to 27:50 understand where they coming from. They, they always talk to me. So by them always coming to me and talking to me, 27:57 and these are men from all walks of life. I've had millionaires cry on my shoulder 28:02 and I'm just shocked. Like, you know, you think these people have everything, but they don't, so it's like, 28:11 I just want, I, I'm just big on love. Like, I'm just big on love and I want people to embrace love 28:17 and I want people to know that, you know, I just want people to know love. 28:23 I just, I love love, I love the word, I love the feeling. I just love love. So I just want people to, to feel that experience that, 28:32 and I guess my passion for men is like, from the guys that I used to have to work with, seeing their frustration, 28:39 seeing the things that they went through and how hard it was for them when they're trying 28:45 to be on the road and going on tour and you know, they got this 28:52 person in a ear just demanding all this, this stuff. And I'm like, jeez, y'all really be going through that. 29:00 And you know, and then I see my brother, I only have one brother and I see a lot of stuff that, you know, he has dealt with. 29:07 So I just have a passion. Like I, it's not like I grew up with a father, so I didn't grow up with a father in the home. 29:13 So I just, I just see things, it's just see things that I see, things that people come and talk to me about 29:20 because a lot of people feel like they can talk to me about anything. - We heard you say 29:26 that you were kicked out at 16. How did that manifest for you? What happened after that? 29:34 Where did you go? Who did you connect with? - Well, I got kicked out because we stayed in the apartment. 29:42 Now, my mom used to work all the time, so she was never home. So the lady upstairs told my mom that there was a car parked in the driveway overnight. 29:51 So she tried to tell my mom that I had somebody spend the night overnight. I'm telling my mom, no I wasn't. 29:57 She told me to get out later on in life. Of course she found out that it was the lady's daughter 30:05 sneaking someone in the house where she, you know, but neither here or there. 30:11 So I walked around the street for hours at first 30:16 and then this guy came, a guy I know, he came, 30:22 took me to his aunt house and asked his aunt if I could stay over there. So then I stayed with the aunt for a little while. 30:30 Then my cousin had an apartment, then I went to my, my cousin's house. So then I went to a friend of my house 30:37 and then my mom eventually sent for me because I, I was in school, I was still trying to go, 30:45 I was in high school, so I was still trying to go to school. And my principal and my assistant principal, they were like, 30:51 you know, you are such a good person. You are such a good, good student, we don't wanna see you out here once you try 30:58 gonna job corps. So then I applied to go to Job Corps. So they sent the letter to my mom's address. 31:05 So she went looking for me to send me off Job Corps. So that's when I went to Job Corps 31:11 and I got my g and I got a certification in 31:17 plumbing while I was in Job Corps. - So you have a certification in plumbing? Yes. 31:27 You are a master of all things. A master of all things. So at 16 you are put out 31:36 because your neighbor lied on you and your mother was distraught and understandably so. 31:42 But you leave, luckily a friend picks you up and that friend's mother encourages you to go to Job Corps. 31:49 And that's where you got your GED? - No, the school, the school, the high school I was gonna, 31:55 they encouraged me because I was also a part of the, I was also in explorer program at the time. 32:02 An explorer program is when you are wanting to be a police officer. 32:08 So at one time I wanted to be a police officer, so I was a part of Explorer program, 32:14 but that didn't work out for me anyway because some of the officer very nice. 32:23 So, you know, well some of the officers when they were supposed 32:31 to drop me off home, they would do things that they shouldn't have done. So I decided not to maintain that program, 32:38 but I still was trying to go to school, but I was, I had to take the city bus to the school and I was late every day. 32:44 So that's when the principal and assistant principal pulled me to the side 32:50 and talked to me because they knew I was trying, you know, even though I was, I really had nowhere to go really. 32:58 They just told me that it would be, be best for me to try to go to Job Corps. 33:04 - Wow. So you're put on the street, you then are in an explorer program 33:13 and the police officers who are supposed to keep you safe for doing the opposite of that. And then that's when the school gave you the idea to go 33:19 to Job Corps and get your GED you've dealt with a lot. I mean, and I, I I feel confident that I only know 33:26 a minuscule amount of what it is that you've had to deal with, whether it be your childhood 33:33 or moving forward to where you are now. How do you push through these things? 33:39 Are you using the trauma to drive you to do better and to help others? 33:45 - So with me and dealing with Slam, what I tell myself, what I try 33:51 to do is try to see the good in everything. So even if it's a traumatic situation, I try 33:59 to take something outta it because things happen. 34:04 We go through, we have, we go through experiences, but those are experiences and those are lessons 34:10 and what do we learn from them? And you just supposed to learn from everything. And I try to, it, it taught me 34:18 to be more cautious about my surroundings. I read people very well. So, you know, I'm not comfortable with everybody 34:26 because if I feel I'm an energy person. So if the energy isn't right with that person, then you 34:34 weren't, I won't be talking much like I'm talking like this now 34:39 because you guys all have good. So it's like, no, I don't wanna talk about myself in action. 34:49 And here I, - I mean we already know that it's the 5, 4, 3, 2, 34:56 you feel the sweat, you're, you feel like you're gonna throw up and then what's good y'all? 35:02 Isn't that what we did on the radio station? - Right? So I, we a lot of trauma 35:08 and I, I didn't, so when you go through so many bad things, you don't know, 35:15 like you become comfortable in it in a way and you have to kind of fight your, your mentality 35:23 to think it, think it differently because I, 35:28 I watched a murder at five years old and our neighbor, our neighbor was, 35:36 and when our neighbor was killed, I'm looking at it, my mom was thinking I was talking about something on tv. 35:43 So I'm telling her all the stuff I'm seeing, I'm seeing the man go inside the house, 35:48 I'm seeing the man stabbing her, I'm seeing the man, the, the woman pulling the, the curtains down. 35:56 And I'm telling my mom everything that's going on. And she was like, turn the TV off and go to bed. 36:02 So she's thinking, you know, it was, I was watching on tv, but I'm watching, well, I was in the window, 36:08 which she already had told me go to bed. But you know, you know the, so I, 36:14 I saw that because the, we were in the trailer part, so our trailer was facing the road, 36:23 the main road is this way, our trailer is facing that way. And a lady trail was facing towards the road. 36:29 So her trailer is like right here, like ours. So I'm my room where is like, 36:35 where her trailer was and my mom's room was like towards the front of the road. 36:41 So I'm like seeing all this stuff happening and my mom didn't know what was going on. 36:46 So the police had knocked on the door and said, you know, there was a murder next 36:52 door, did you hear anything? And, and I peeking at out to something 36:58 and I'm shing back in because you know, when you're in certain areas you don't say anything. 37:03 So you, you get taught, see nothing, say nothing, you know, 37:09 see and don't see say and don't say. So she was like, no, we didn't hear anything. 37:14 And then she just closed the door. But I was kidnapped at six. 37:20 So yeah, so when you're 37:25 going through all these different things, it's like when it's one thing 37:31 after another, it just becomes your life. - A murder at five, kidnapped at six. By who? 37:41 - Well, my mom was dating this guy who, 37:46 he did things for people, 37:51 but he was in love with my mom, so he didn't wanna do those things for the people anymore. And they told him to come talk to them and he wouldn't. 38:01 So they kidnapped me, for me, for him to come talk to them. 38:07 - Oh my goodness. They held you ransom. - They didn't do anything to me, 38:14 they just wanted him to come. So yeah, pretty much. But 38:23 - Yeah, so with that 38:29 - I just always went through stuff. So by me always going through stuff is just like, 38:38 oh, just another thing, you know? And then just like, just go through it because 38:44 after a while, you know, you know that it's just temporary and it's not gonna last as long 38:50 as it seems like it's gonna last. So you're just in it at that moment and you just gotta fight through it. 38:57 - It's interesting to hear you say that because I hear you, 39:04 you've written a, a full book to help people with childhood trauma and I could definitely see where that passion came from and when in speaking about yourself, 39:14 you're saying it seems like it's gonna last a long time, but it won't. And then, you know, you could keep pushing, 39:21 but the trauma's still there - For a long time. I just, I never knew it was trauma, so it didn't bother me 39:29 because I didn't know it was trauma. I'm, I'm just like, it's just a, a part of life for me. 39:36 So it's just like, it's just something else didn't happen. So it's like you just see that, 39:42 but what it taught me is you don't live in it. You don't stay in it. 39:49 You, you visit it, learn from it, you take something from it and you move on 39:57 and it helps build you up to be the person that you're meant to be. 40:02 - It definitely helped make you resilient in a way to where you can see trauma 40:10 and instead of running from it or being afraid of it, you go, you run towards it to try to help. 40:15 So six kidnapped, walk me through like adolescence, what's, what's going on during like 11 to teen? We 40:25 - Moved a lot. So it, it, when I think about different aspects, I have 40:32 to think about what school I was in or whatever because we moved a lot, a lot to three high schools, three 40:42 middle schools and like six elementary schools. So we, we stayed moving. 40:49 So through 11, 40:55 I used to just, I mostly used to have to defend myself around that time in school. 41:03 I mean, back then I didn't know why. I just thought I was ugly and you know, I was like, I must be ugly. 41:09 And I always thought I was ugly because I was, AIDS was happening to me at school 41:16 and girls would pick on me and you know, it just was when I became an adult, I, 41:22 I knew why because they would be like, oh, your hair is long and curly. 41:28 That couldn't be your real hair because why is it curly one day and straight the next day? 41:34 And then when I became an adult, they're adding me on Facebook and it's like, oh, you still got that long pretty hair. 41:41 So that's what it was about fifth. So I, you know, I used to get teens then picked on a lot in school, 41:49 but that's just in school because when we got outta school it was a different story. 41:54 - And what happened outta school? - I was, I was a fighter. I used to fight a lot, so 42:02 I didn't wanna get in trouble in school - Protecting yourself 42:07 - Because I didn't have anybody to protect me. So I had to protect them. 42:13 And everybody just knew me as a fighter, but it always seemed like I was a troublemaker 42:18 because I was fighting so much. But I'm always defending myself and defending somebody. 42:25 So it wasn't like I was a troublemaker, I just always had to defend. 42:32 - You're a protector. - Yeah, and I'm very passionate towards with kids 42:39 because I wanna protect them and they go through a lot. So I try to tell people, don't argue in front of kids, 42:46 like I'm just, I'm just big on nursery, I guess. 42:55 - And, and trying to preserve children's innocence. Because yours was robbed at like, what the very least six, 43:05 - Five when I, I fought, so my, the first murder was at five, 43:15 the second one was when I was a teenager, I saw these guys, but I saw these guys shoot somebody. 43:23 So it's just, 43:29 I dunno, but what's crazy is when all this stuff is going around in the neighborhood and everything is going on 43:36 and you got all these big people in the neighborhood and like, they would always look at me it like, hey, 43:42 you're not supposed to be in the street. Like, is nothing special about you. You don't need to be here. And no matter how hard, like, 43:49 you know, I'm trying to get in the street. And I was like, no, you, 43:57 so I was protected from the street by the people in the street. - Wow. They saw it in you even when you 44:06 didn't see it in yourself. And even though they were in the street doing 44:13 things that most likely honorable, they still thought, no, no, no, no, you, you go, you be preserved. 44:20 So similar to what you wanna do for children and keeping their innocence, they did their best 44:25 to do with you. Like, no, no, you're special. There's something about you, you're gonna do great things. 44:30 Go back inside. - And I, they would literal, I don't care what neighborhood we lived in, that's 44:38 where they all would say they all, but they would teach me about 44:47 hustling so to speak. But it was always like doing the stuff that I do. 44:54 But they would just teach me the basis, you know, I learned from every, like I said, I learned from everybody. 45:03 - Yeah, I mean, and that's the best way to learn. Everyone brings value to the table. Quite literally. 45:08 Everyone brings value to the table. It's all about perspective. If you're not able to see someone else's, 45:14 how could you possibly be able to connect with that particular audience? So I, I think that makes great sense. Right? 45:20 You were telling us offline that you have a multitude of businesses and now I'm hearing that part 45:28 of your, your growth and, and and love for hustling 45:34 and having, you know, all of these businesses may have come from, you know, your, your earlier childhood and, 45:39 and meeting these people in the streets that knew that you had that better in you, but then also gave you all the knowledge 45:46 that they could in regards to setting you up for great success. Tell me about your current LLCs because, and, 45:55 and all the different businesses, like, I just wanted to hear you run those down because you were a busy lady. 46:03 - So I have a spiritual business called True Divine Treasure. I meditated on that. 46:08 I actually didn't wanna start another business, but that came to me. 46:13 So I had to do, as my guys tell me. 46:19 So it's called True Divine Treasure. And then I have the nonprofit is new birth 46:25 transformation house. And then I have hookahs and other accessories. 46:32 - You have great passions when you like something, you then figure out how to perfect that thing 46:37 and possibly start a business such as your CMOs business as well, you were speaking about. And you also have a great deal to do 46:46 with some music industry work as well. 46:51 - You a busy lady, - You know, I try, 46:58 you gotta give us a little more, tell us a little bit about that journey, because your journey is important. 47:05 We're, we're at, we just moved our way through adolescence. I wanna know where the desire to get a degree came. 47:12 You're, you're already balancing so much. You're already, you have four children. 47:19 When, when did the, the desire to get a degree come from and what was the purpose? 47:26 How did you think it was gonna benefit you? - Desire for the degree came after I created my nonprofit. 47:34 So I'm, I'm doing my nonprofit Googling, researching, trying to figure out how to be successful at it. 47:42 And I was like, you know what, maybe I need to go to school for this. 47:48 So I went to school for business and I got my bachelor's degree now going 47:54 the bachelor's degree. That was a struggle. Like that was, when I say struggle, like that's when, 48:03 tell me why it was when Covid came and it was just like things were just changing. 48:09 And then we had bought a house in between that and it was like, I had one challenge was 48:18 I found out I had a, a huge fibroid. I couldn't walk at one time. So I was in and I had a fibroid 48:26 and I'm trying to do my schoolwork and stuff while fighting through the pain in 48:33 between getting surgery and all kind of stuff. So it was like, like, oh this, 48:43 I ready to quit. I was like, I want bachelors degree anymore, like Uhuh. 48:48 I said, I'm not doing this. But for some reason some fire inside me was like, no, you done came this far, you can't quit now. 48:56 And I was like, man, forget this. So I'm fighting. It was like two little one bad angel, one good angel, like 49:05 fight each other with swords. Like no go, no stay. So I just eventually 49:15 my bachelor, 49:25 I was struggling and then my last, my master was like a real struggle. 49:34 Like I was fighting through it. So then 49:43 I trying how long come on that, because that's, now that's my question, like how long I gotta be in a 49:52 year or so. I was like, well you, hey, it's not bad. So then I did my master's. 49:59 The master's wasn't that bad because I, you know, I got a good GPA, I mean I got a good GP for my bachelor's, 50:06 but I was trying to stick to my four oh for my master and you know, my last class 50:23 I was so, - Oh my goodness. 50:28 So are you telling me you got all A's in your master's program? - I got an A in, - It's an A, 50:36 you got all As in your master's program, understand, like, this isn't like you your bachelor's 50:45 or high school in your master's program in your advanced degree you had all Ace and you did it. 50:51 What, what was the amount of time? You said you did it in - It It was a year. 50:57 Oh, it might, I dunno. It, it seemed like forever. So, but it was an a 51:06 I was still heartbroken. And then, you know, they were calling me like, you're doing great. 51:11 I'm so proud of you. But the one thing I love about University of Phoenix is how they 51:20 check on you and call you and make sure that you're doing good 51:27 and you know you're behind or on something. They check on you like, okay, is there anything we can do? 51:32 Can we help you with something? So that's what I love about University of Phoenix and that's why I plan on getting all my degrees at 51:40 University of Phoenix. - Well the fact is is that you are getting the most advanced degree right now 51:46 with University of Phoenix. You're getting your doctorate. Yeah. 51:51 I'm so proud of you. I don't, I don't know how often you get to hear this, 51:57 but let me be very clear, I am so proud of you and your accomplishments 52:03 and I'm not just talking about pieces of paper, I'm talking about the fact that you get up every morning 52:09 with all the things that you've experienced. I'm talking about the fact that you were still serving people 52:15 and taking it out of your own pocket. I'm talking about the fact that you were feeding seven dogs 52:20 and you don't want 'em, I - Like, I'm not not an animal person. 52:26 I think it's after raising four children and they're all back to back and you had four teenagers at one time 52:33 and you always hearing Mama tell him to leave me alone. Mama, stop. Mama, mama, please mama. 52:40 You know, like 52:45 thinking about dogs, this is like having more children. So I was like traumatized. 52:55 - Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Well, speaking of having more children and, and just balancing all of the things 53:03 that you are currently doing, incredible at, what does it look like at getting your degree in the middle 53:10 of Covid Start? That's your, you know, starting your, with your bachelor's, 53:15 working your way to your master's. Like how did you find space and time for your businesses, for your family, 53:22 and ultimately to continue getting all ass regardless of the minus in your master's 53:29 - Degree? Well, honestly I don't feel like I'm doing enough. 53:36 A lot of people say I'm doing a lot, but I don't feel like I'm doing enough. 53:41 Like if I was busy with one thing versus another, 53:46 it might would feel like it, but everything has timing. So it's like I'm rotating things like when the one thing 53:53 slow down, then another thing pick up. So, but you know, a lot of people need healing and, 54:01 and Right, especially at this time I've been noticing 54:06 a lot of mental illness and that's some people not dealing with 54:13 their traumas in the past or just dealing 54:19 with a lot of different things. I have family members that has, you know, done 54:27 drugs and stuff. And the reason why they do that, which as I always understood is 54:33 because they experienced something 54:39 and they're just trying to, that feeling, having to feel. So they try to numb themselves from feeling anything. 54:47 So I do understand that and that's why I try to help people 54:52 and I don't judge people, I don't judge people about anything they do because any type of judgment for anything is like, 55:02 I'm, you know, I'm not the high power, so I can't, you know, say what's good and what's bad 55:10 because it, what's good to me may not be good to somebody else. And what's bad to me may not be bad else. 55:17 So I can't judge anyone, especially by, you know, because of weight the way I feel. 55:23 - You're absolutely right and the grace that you give others, I pray that you end up giving to yourself as well 55:29 because you are doing so many things. I don't know how you're not battling being overwhelmed at 55:37 times because you're, you're doing so much, so kudos to you and just knowing how to balance those things. 55:46 You have your, you're, you're getting the doctorate now, and I heard you say that that was due to hope to help 55:52 with the nonprofit. Tell me more about your goals with achieving that degree 55:59 and how it's gonna be helpful for the nonprofit. - So me getting my, 56:06 me just gonna school, I, I did learn a lot of things. Like a lot of the things was like common sense 56:13 and then there were things that I already knew because I was already in business, but I learned a lot of other things 56:21 and it helped, it helped me with aligning my business in a correct way 56:27 and making sure that I know what I wanted outta my business. And I know the doctorate will do the same. 56:36 - It it's also helpful to have someone so very knowledgeable about how 56:41 to do business in a nonprofit typically, you know, people who get their degrees in business either start their own 56:48 business or go to help other businesses. So it's, it's a beautiful thing personally for me 56:54 to see someone looking to get an advanced degree to serve in a nonprofit. 57:02 I think that that's, I personally believe that that is an incredible desire from, from a person such 57:09 as yourself, especially because you have grown 57:14 so much from dealing with all the things from five and to being a mother who was also homeless 57:21 with her children and having those experiences to where you changed the trajectory of your children's life 57:29 to not go down that exact same pattern. Well, I tried. You tried to did they did, they did. 57:35 They veer - Not to the point where they're like in the streets and 57:41 and stuff like that, but you know, they're on the right track now. So they're really seeing things and they're really focused 57:50 and I'm really proud of all four of them. Well, at least now I am anyway. 57:57 - Listen, they have an incredible mother. The the example that you are creating for them, the example 58:04 that not just, not just with words, but clearly with your actions 58:10 will lead them down the right path you are teaching them in the way in which they should go. So I wouldn't worry your, your, your mother started it 58:18 or your grandmother started it, your mother continued it and you were polishing that path so that 58:25 maybe next they'll be coming to University of Phoenix for degrees and you're, you're finishing as, 58:30 are you the first to get a degree in the family? - No, all my siblings have degrees. 58:38 Everybody has my, I have a sister who, who's a doctor, 58:43 she's a chiropractor. - So just like your mom created incredible children 58:48 to do awesome things because your sister like you was homeless as a child 58:54 and now she's a doctor. You same situation 58:59 and have triumph to having several successful businesses Yeah. 59:06 Of a multitude of interest that you continue to dive into. I can't wait until I hear you on the radio or see you on TV 59:13 because I know that that's probably next and then you're getting your doctorate to continue 59:18 to help other people. So - Yes, - Sweet. Your mom clearly helped make that path great for you 59:26 and your siblings and you're doing the same for your children. So kudos to you for, for changing that 59:32 and breaking those change. - I'm so great. - If you could have done anything differently within your, 59:42 your your years, and I won't, I won't say how many years, I just want the audience to know 59:47 that I was baffled when I found out that she could possibly be anything, you know, 59:55 older than like 25. But in your years, years you 1:00:01 have experienced a lot in doing that. Is there anything that you would've changed or done differently? 1:00:08 - You know, I get asked that a lot, especially having to go through so much trauma, 1:00:14 but then when I look at some of my, some people I know that 1:00:20 or grew up with that didn't go through any of that, I see, you know, no, I wouldn't change anything 1:00:27 because going through that created my strength 1:00:32 and it created me of, you know, who I'm, and if I didn't go through those things that I wouldn't be 1:00:39 who I'm, and I always be somebody else who's just looking at someone, looking 1:00:45 for somebody to just do anything and everything for them. And you know, I'm a fighter, 1:00:50 so now I don't fight physically now I just fight through everything else I have. 1:00:57 - You are a fighter, you are a protector, you are resilient, you are a servant and you're an excellent leader. 1:01:04 And I know that you are also a grandmother. 1:01:16 - Everyone, 1:01:21 - Oh my goodness, your family is so big. I love that. Thank you so much for sharing like your story, 1:01:27 which has to be something you hold dear and close to your heart. And thank you for being brave enough to share it 1:01:33 because I know that it was a challenge as you don't typically like to talk about yourself, 1:01:38 but I do feel as though that there's gonna be an audience member, there's gonna be someone watching this. There's gonna be a viewer that's going 1:01:46 to see your story resonate with your story and the possibility that they can see themselves in it and feel energized 1:01:55 or motivated to do something different and possibly start their, their ba quickly getting their master's, then maybe going 1:02:03 to get their doctorate because that's the, the story that you told and is currently what it is that, 1:02:09 that you're doing against all odds. So again, if you haven't heard this from anyone, please hear it from me. 1:02:16 I am very proud of you. We are so honored to have you as a University of Phoenix alumni. 1:02:22 Before we move on to our our our quick rapid questions, I had one other question for you. 1:02:27 I just wanna know, with all the things that you've done thus far, what are you most proud of? What is, what is your your highest 1:02:34 and best achievement thus far, according to you? - My highest and most 1:02:41 and my best achievement would be, 1:02:47 one would be my being a mother, 1:02:52 But being able to take care of my mother when she needed me the most. 1:02:59 So I was a medical assistant and when I became a medical assistant, well right 1:03:06 after I did the burn section, my son got third degree on both his legs. 1:03:12 So I had to, you know, take care of him. But going through being a medical assistant helped me be 1:03:18 able to take care of my mom when she had cancer and before she passed. So I was there like really taking care of her 1:03:26 and I was able to do that because, you know, I had, you know, that certification 1:03:32 as a medical assistant and I feel like I became a medical assistant just for her. 1:03:39 - Wow. You, I I love your desire for knowledge. 1:03:44 You don't just say like, oh, I'll be a caretaker, which is something, I mean, at least in Arizona I believe it's something that you can just say, 1:03:50 I'm someone available in my family who can take care of my elderly. You know, grandmother, mother, 1:03:57 and, you know, they could guide you in that way. You didn't do that. He said, let me go ahead 1:04:03 and become a medical assistant. How long did that take you to - It just, it was like maybe nine months. 1:04:11 - A medical assistant, a plumber, a business owner, an author, a radio host, a sea OSS maker, 1:04:20 an incredible mom, a grandmother, and a University of Phoenix alumni. I know that you're gonna get this 4.0 in your doctorate 1:04:28 as well and I want you to know that I'm not gonna be able to do that with you. I have a strong 3.8, so, 1:04:38 but I am so grateful that you were able to share all of these things with us. Thank you for your transparency, your openness, 1:04:45 and your, your triumphant story. We are so proud of you. 1:04:50 I personally am proud of you and I know that University of Phoenix is so glad 1:04:55 that you are an alumni of ours. I wanna jump into rapid questions before I let you go. Okay. 1:05:02 Remember, these are just fun quick questions to learn a little bit more about you. Okay. So are you ready? Nope, 1:05:09 - Go ahead. - Okay. Nope, not ready. All. 1:05:17 Okay, so rapid fire question number one, tell me a book that changed your life. Don Mine. There's that. Which one? 1:05:24 - The the Shadow Work Journal that helped with that was my first one I really, 1:05:31 really put out. I was so proud. - You should be proud. You're an author. You should definitely be proud Early bird or or Night Owl 1:05:38 - Both because I'm up until three o'clock in the morning sometimes and then I go to sleep. 1:05:45 When I go to sleep. I'll sleep like at three, four, and then I'm up between 8 30, 9 o'clock, seven. 1:05:53 - You sleep four hours a night night - For the most part. Yeah. 1:05:58 - And you wake up with all that Joy. Okay, well maybe. Alright, my next question is your, 1:06:04 your go-to productivity hack. - You know, my go-to was always playing games on my, 1:06:11 my iPad, I mean my tablet. So I play the games in between time 1:06:16 to gimme some time to think or do something else. - Yes, to unwind. You deserve that. You do a lot. 1:06:25 So tell me the best advice you've ever received. - So, walk in my true. 1:06:32 I always be honest and be myself. My mom taught me that. - That's very good. Very good. 1:06:39 What's your go-to karaoke song? - Yellow. Cool. Love. - Ooh, that's a good one. 1:06:49 That is a good one. Sometimes I sit in my room. 1:06:54 And then what's, what's your personal motto 1:07:00 - Again? To be yourself and be always walk and live in your truth. Well, 1:07:06 - You're doing just that. I can't thank you enough for sharing your story with us. 1:07:12 Keisha, you are impeccable and I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to meet you today. 1:07:18 Thank you so much for joining us. Is there anything else that you wanna say? The floor is yours. Is there anything you wanna say to our listeners 1:07:27 and their opportunity in a way in which to connect with you, possibly to help with your nonprofit 1:07:35 or to find more about, more about your books? - My books are, can be found on Amazon. 1:07:43 I've worked with a lot of artists. I helped a lot of people in their career, advanced in their career. 1:07:50 I toured with different people. I met a lot of celebrities during that time. 1:07:59 Some I didn't know was celebrities and they'd like, you know, this is just so funny 1:08:05 because I don't look at people as celebrities though. 1:08:11 So I look at people as people and I try to teach, treat them as such. And, and a lot of them think it's so funny 1:08:19 that I don't be knowing who they're, I don't, and I no disrespect. 1:08:25 It's just I who they're, because I don't, I don't try to get in people business. 1:08:30 So I'm personal. So, you know, I try to keep, but I traveled a lot 1:08:37 and I did a lot of things with different artists and I tried to get out of it several on several occasions 1:08:45 because the energy just was off. I like to help people, so that's why I was doing it, 1:08:50 to help others in their career. But I just prefer to do your thing. - Well, you're definitely doing your own thing. 1:08:57 So kudos to you for your incredible businesses and for starting your doctorate. 1:09:03 I can't wait to follow up with you after you start in March and see how you're doing. And obviously I can't wait to see you walk across that stage 1:09:12 with the most advanced degree and, and cheer you on. So thank you so much for joining us. 1:09:18 That brings us to the end of this episode of Degrees of Success. 1:09:24 I'm your host, Frida Richards, reminding you that your next chapter just might be your best one yet. 1:09:30 Don't forget to like and subscribe and comment and we'll see you next time.