Redefining Success

Redefining Success and Self-Discovery 0:00 I'm on a mission to help people redefine success. I spend a lot of time with my clients really helping them identify their values and really helping them with building self-trust and self-confidence. 0:12 A lot of really smart driven people, they are so busy and so focused on their work that they become disconnected from themselves. 0:34 Hello and welcome to the Degrees of Success podcast. I'm your host, Freda Richards. Today we have an incredible guest, Michelle Kooi. 0:42 She's an entrepreneur, she's a soon to be author, and she's a life coach focusing on women entrepreneurs with ADHD. 0:51 Help me welcome Michelle Kooi. Okay, so I want to jump in with you about who you are, where you came from. 0:59 um Obviously you were an incredible University of Phoenix alum. So let's start from the beginning. Tell us about the foundation. 1:05 Where did you grow up and what was your childhood like? Yeah. So I grew up in Arkansas. um And I grew up uh riding horses. Childhood Influences and Aspirations 1:14 That was my favorite thing to do. And I was also a competitive gymnast. um I loved school. 1:22 I didn't really ever have to study until college. 1:27 School just came naturally to me. um I remember getting an award in like 1:33 first or second grade for reading the most books of anyone in the class. I was a big reader. 1:39 I was very shy um and really spent a lot of time um outdoors. 1:47 went to summer camp and actually in Colorado up in Estes Park for four summers, just horseback riding and hiking in the Rocky Mountain National Park. 1:57 Wow, so you've been around nature, like that's what you've loved for a very long time. 2:03 Yes, my family, um we went camping ah in Arkansas twice a year with a big group of people. 2:11 And we also came out to Colorado camping. My parents brought me to Colorado when I was seven to go skiing. 2:17 And we would come out every year and ski. So I decided, I announced to my parents when I was, I think 10 in fourth grade, that I was going to go to college in Colorado. 2:28 And I never changed my mind. they had to be really proud of you and at 10 you had college aspirations. 2:36 I did. Because you're a big reader. so at 10 you at 10 you were already preparing for your future. 2:44 So it sounds like you were very driven even as a young child, a big reader, very active. 2:50 Who was your inspiration to can to like instill that in you so early? 2:56 I mean, probably my father and my grandfather, they're both attorneys. 3:02 um And um my next door neighbor was a doctor. 3:08 um I just wanted, I didn't know what I wanted to do. em But I knew I had an insatiable love for learning. 3:18 you know, I still do. um And so there was like not even a thought that 3:25 that would not be a path for me going to college. With all these lawyers in your family and you being driven, knowing exactly where you wanted to go to college, did you ever have the lawyer bug? 3:38 Um, no. So I, my whole family is an attorney's, my, my brother is a, a water lawyer. 3:45 My grandfather was an estate lawyer. My dad is a defense lawyer and my uncle is an insurance lawyer. 3:53 So, uh, I was the really the only one that went in a different direction. 3:58 Um, and, but I worked at my dad's law office for four summers, uh, starting at the age of 14. 4:05 Um, and worked there for four summers and I was so bored. 4:12 I was like, this is not for me uh from what I saw. later on in life, if I had known that attorneys could do other things and work in different areas, I may have gone down that path into environmental law or business law. 4:31 Yeah, you know, when I was reading your bio, it makes sense to me that your family had a lot to do with justice because you two fight for justice, whether it be for your clients, 4:43 making sure that they feel seen and heard and uh fighting for space and a room at the table. 4:50 So it makes sense to me. It's actually in alignment uh with all of your background and family background for fighting for justice, for sure. 4:58 Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Yes. um Really, you know, I love empowering women. 5:04 I was on the board for a local nonprofit here, the Women's Resource Center, m for a number of years, it just really helping women in tough situations get the resources that they Empowering Women and Community Service 5:16 need. And I was also on the board of uh Public Radio of Northern Colorado for a few years. 5:24 um On both boards, I served as the finance chair. Um, but just really love, yeah, serving, serving women and serving the community. 5:36 So where did that come from? Where did that passion in serving women come from? Because I know you have a degree in journalism, and when you received that, tell me where you were headed, what you were thinking about doing. 5:49 Was that also in regards to serving people? 5:54 really difficult time choosing a major. uh First time around through college, it probably would have been a good idea for me to take a gap year and just figure things out. 6:05 ah So I initially went into college thinking I was going to go into pre-pharmacy. 6:10 And my dad was said, oh, your cousin does that and he doesn't like it, you won't like it. 6:19 And then I was uh really into weather and it took some geography and 6:24 geology classes and thought about doing that. so, but, you know, I kept, uh he really wanted me to get a liberal arts degree and did not want me to go into the business school. Navigating Career Changes and Education 6:37 And um I just had a friend that was in the journalism school and what she was doing sounded interesting. 6:43 So I went into that, um not really knowing, you know, exactly where I was gonna to go with it. 6:50 But I did enjoy learning about that. And my first job out of college, I ended up working for uh a travel magazine. 6:57 That sounds so beautiful. And so you've raised two amazing children and you've done this in the midst of starting a new career after leaving corporate and getting two degrees. 7:10 Tell me about that journey when you were starting at University of Phoenix, you had two littles. 7:18 Yes, I did. So my kids were three and six at the time. um And I had been in a number of different jobs after my first degree and would be there a couple of years. 7:33 then just like I loved the learning part and uh getting to know, then I was getting bored. 7:41 And also just there just wasn't alignment with what I was doing and what... 7:48 I felt like I wanted to do. And I had been interested in accounting since high school, really. 7:53 And I had taken an accounting class in high school and did well in it and enjoyed it and again was talked out of it. 8:00 um But my father said, you won't like that. You don't want to go down that path. 8:07 the second time around, um I decided that's what I wanted to do. 8:12 And at that point, my marriage was kind of rocky. And I was thinking, I'm 8:17 I'm going to probably end up a single mom here at some point. And I really um want to have a better foundation for financially supporting myself and my kids. 8:29 And it just seemed uh like the path that I wanted to take. So I was working full time for a public company in really the tech industry. 8:44 at the time in their accounts receivable department. When I went back to school, I did all my studying at Starbucks because it was too, you know, with two kids running around at the house, was too busy. 8:56 So I would go in to Starbucks at six in the morning before work, usually once a week. 9:03 And then I had class two nights a week. And then I met with a group on Saturdays and would study. 9:10 And I took Sundays off. But I still managed to go to the gym. 9:16 And then we moved and we moved during that period of time to a town about an hour north of Denver and I commuted back to Denver for my classes em at that time and 9:30 And just, yeah, it was two years. mean, at one time, at some point, it seemed like a long time. 9:37 And other times, it went really fast. But my kids saw me studying. 9:47 so, you know, and sometimes they would want to be with me when I was doing that. 9:53 And it just, I really loved the program. And I was exhausted afterwards. 10:00 And I wanted to take the CPA exam, but I needed rest after two years of working full time and going to school. 10:08 So I took six months off of studying um once I graduated em before I started studying for the CPA exam. 10:17 And then I spent six months in intensive study for that um and took all the tests and passed them all the first time, which 10:27 which was really amazing. tell me how important is rest? 10:33 Because I know that you in your later years, I believe we were talking about it just a bit ago in 2023 was when you were diagnosed, which we both have in common being diagnosed with The Importance of Rest and Self-Care 10:45 ADHD in our adult years, but also in the same year in 2023. 10:51 I know that for me, sleep was a struggle and it had a lot to do apparently with my ADHD and the 11:00 the schedule in which I was moving in my life. When you were diagnosed, was that something that was in alignment with you as well? 11:09 Sleep is I've always actually been a good sleeper until about four months ago, but that's situational with some things I'm going through. 11:18 em for the most part, I've always been a good sleeper. em I rest is so and I know that's not the case for for so many people. 11:27 em And so, you know, again, structuring things so that em we can, we can rest and taking 11:39 taking time to do that. Oftentimes it's we're just out of sync with our rhythm and just understanding our own rhythms. 11:47 you know, with the seasons, I'm all about talking to women about cycles. Like we've all dealt with cycles our whole life, right? 11:55 But really being in cycle with understanding the cycles of the seasons and with nature and how much light or dark there is. 12:04 In the winter, I tend to rest more. with it's darker, it's colder em than in the summer. 12:13 And em when there's more light and it's just more active and the whole energy is more uplifted. 12:22 But understanding your own personal cycles, like I mentioned, my six week em cycle and just quieting the mind is often what gets in the way of sleep and 12:36 know, just being conscious of how much caffeine you're having. Like I don't have any caffeine after usually 10 o'clock in the morning. 12:43 As if I have afternoon caffeine, affects my sleep. 12:51 um you know, I go to bed, have a cup of chamomile tea before I go to bed. 12:57 um You know, I ah take naps occasionally when I feel like I need extra rest or I 13:05 or if I didn't sleep well, if I'm able to do that. 13:11 And just really checking in with my body and seeing what I'm feeling called to do. 13:21 But in journaling is very helpful to get things out of my head. If I wake up in the middle of the night and I can't go back to sleep, I'll often grab my journal and brain dump whatever is going on in my head out on a piece of paper. 13:33 and it's like it just releases it and I'm able to go back to sleep. I heard you say that you don't do caffeine after 10. 13:41 As a mom of a little two year old who is definitely about like 80 in his head, like he is so wise, he runs the whole house. 13:50 And with my seven year old, who's just like the kindest sweetest little baby who also has ADHD, uh caffeine is my closest. 14:01 Yes. And I know I'm just super sensitive to it. um I have literally a cup of coffee in the morning that is half calf. 14:10 And then I have a cup of mate. And then I don't drink any caffeine after that. 14:16 I mean, even if I have, if I had two cups of regular coffee, I would be like this, like, but I know that for some people with ADHD, caffeine actually helps them focus. 14:28 um And sometimes I once in a while, um again, if I've, if I've really had like multiple days without enough rest, um I will, I will kind of break my own rule and do that too. 14:42 And that will help me help me focus. Sure. I imagine that has to do with the fact that there are a few different ADHDs. 14:49 So I know that you are more than aware of that. Give us the information. 14:54 Give us some knowledge on the three different forms of ADHD. Yeah, so there's hyperactive, inattentive, and then a hybrid of both of those. Understanding ADHD and Its Impact 15:07 And it shows up differently in men or in boys and girls or men and women. 15:14 And this is often why boys are diagnosed much earlier in life than women are because we are able to hide it better. 15:23 We are able to mask and uh come up with all sorts of workarounds. 15:30 em And boys tend to have the more hyperactive em type of ADHD, although I know women who have that that type. 15:40 em And women are more the inattentive type. 15:46 em But and then some some are hybrid. 15:54 So it can be any of those above but know, women often, because of being told like, you know, sometimes we have difficulty managing, managing time, uh forgetting things or being disorganized or uh 16:14 just some different things that can occur with ADHD, we can become to a point where we don't trust ourselves. 16:22 em And so it's super important to have, em to rebuild that trust with ourselves. 16:29 So that's a lot of the work that I do with my clients to recognize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. 16:35 They are amazing and wonderful as they are, and their brain just works a little bit differently. And so they need to set up structure in their 16:43 in their lives, um, to be able to support them, um, in a way. 16:50 So, I mean, I like to say that time management is really more about energy management because we can get dysregulated more easily than other people. 16:58 We need to be able to manage our energy extremely well. And so trying to, you know, force the hardest thing we have to do in the day at a time of day when we 17:11 don't have the most energy or after we've done something difficult is going to make it even more difficult. 17:16 ah And so, you know, it's fun to gamify things or create themes. 17:23 Like I have clients create theme days, like Fridays might be Finance Friday, that's when they focus on their money. 17:30 Another day might be uh like today is my Wellness Wednesday. So I always make sure even if I haven't 17:37 you know, gotten out. I haven't gotten out and done anything Monday and Tuesday, I make sure that I always get some exercise on Wednesday and then I, um, you know, might just do something, something 17:50 extra, extra either nice for myself or healthy with, with that. So it's, it's nice to do things like that, but setting up, you know, getting support and you know, if you're running your own business and you hate doing the bookkeeping and so 18:03 you procrastinate on it, And it just drains you like there's no tomorrow. 18:09 Get a bookkeeper, like free up your energy. Um, you know, because, uh, what you're really good at, you're really good at. 18:18 And that's where you should be focusing your time and energy and getting support in the areas that drain you. 18:25 Yeah, I hear you saying that your energy is very valuable and to put it first. 18:33 So set yourself up for success. I love the themed days. I'm absolutely stealing that. 18:41 Wellness Wednesday, Finance Friday. What are we? Is it Meditation Monday? 18:47 Those are my only two theme days for myself, but I have I have I do meditation every day. 18:52 but yeah, I mean, some people have have theme days every day. 18:58 It just depends. You know, I have it. I have I have a couple that I'm coaching. 19:03 I'm doing personal financial coaching for a couple and helping them with with debt reduction and budgeting and and 19:12 I told them this at the beginning and they just did not believe me. And I was like, we have got to get you to a point where you get a dopamine hit when you are working on your money. 19:20 And they just looked at me like, that's never going to happen. Well, it's happening now. 19:26 And they are just so excited about it. And they are making such progress. 19:33 they just, they wouldn't have believed it five months ago. But they, you we've, we've set up goals and, and structures so that 19:42 they are able to do things in a way now where they actually are excited about it. 19:49 my goodness. you are a life coach and so much more financial. uh Tell us about the business when it started and your services and your clients and the typical experiences. 20:04 Yes. So I started my business in 2022 and I worked that part-time alongside. Coaching Women Entrepreneurs with ADHD 20:11 I was still working in public accounting at the time, part-time. So I was doing both part-time. 20:16 And then I went full-time in my business in October of 2023. 20:23 My clients are all solopreneurs. 20:30 So I think I've had a couple that maybe had one employee, but very small businesses, service-based businesses, um and all women. 20:41 um I do work with couples, as I mentioned this other one, but they em are both self-employed and they both were diagnosed with ADHD in the last few years. 20:51 uh Both of them, because their son began having some issues and he was diagnosed and then they started questioning and 21:01 then they both got diagnosed. Yes. So I have 21:06 Because people don't know that it's hereditary. Yes. Typically if your baby has ADHD, the likelihood of it coming from mom or dad or somewhere close in the family is high. 21:18 Yes. So I have clients who are not diagnosed and they don't care to get diagnosed. 21:24 They're like, you know, I'm, sure I have it. I don't care. Like this is how I am. 21:29 Like I don't, I'm not going to take anything. I don't need to know. um Other people, you know, are diagnosed. 21:35 um And other people have come to me with no idea that they might have it. 21:40 And through talking about it, they've gone and gotten tested and found out that they have ADHD, which explained a lot of. 21:47 lot of things for them. But really I kind of have a few different paths. I work, I have some financial professionals I work with. 21:54 So I have clients who are CPAs, financial advisors, bookkeepers, and I really work with them more on um self-trust and confidence and bringing some spirituality into their life 22:09 and their business and really understanding their energy and cycles and uh managing um 22:16 their business. have a client recently, a CPA who was working six days a week almost the whole year. She's a single mom. 22:22 And um we have her to a place now where she's now working four and a half days a week and her income went up 100K. 22:32 So she raised her prices. She fired some clients. She got some better fitting clients and she got more efficient with some of the things she was doing and delegated some things and she's now making more money and working less. 22:46 um And then I work with another subset of clients who are not financial professionals. They're service-based business owners who maybe struggle with either doing their own books or maybe they have a bookkeeper, but they send in their financials and they don't even 23:00 know what they're looking at. They don't know how to read them. They don't know how they can help them. And so, you know, we spend some time on that and again, structuring, really structuring the doing time management and energy management and um again, slowing down, reconnecting 23:13 with themselves and redefining success and getting clear on their values and then I um I work with couples as well. 23:21 My goodness. So you're over there just changing lives. 23:27 You will be definitely I mean, I know that even just chatting with you now. um When I was diagnosed with ADHD, and started to do the research finding out uh what I was experiencing, what hyper focus was what, um what it was like to just be disinterested 23:44 in something to find out what drives ADHD, which is very different than So neo-divergence are typically driven by like interest as opposed to, you know, like wanting the desire to reach this particular goal. 23:56 We're always really excited about something. If I'm curious about it, then I'll dive in. So, and what it's like to be bored with something and not want to do it. 24:04 I thought that like, where did all my excitement go? I really wanted to do this thing and now I don't want to do it. 24:11 That's weird. Yeah, I like to see if somebody, know, for us, those of us with ADHD, if we needed to work on something that we find incredibly boring, it takes like the heat of 1000 suns to get us 24:24 to do it. Like, you know, so it's really important that we, em you know, we are interested in that or and or if if it's something we absolutely have to do, and we're, we're not interested 24:36 in it. That's where the energy part comes in, we've got to make sure that we are at our peak energy level. 24:41 em And, and figure out a way again to, to theme it to gamify it to get help, I find co working to be incredibly helpful. 24:51 And I offer that to my clients, anyone who's in my program, we, they're able to join me for co working sessions, or body doubling, whichever you want to call it. 25:01 yes, that would be incredibly important. It's more fun with someone else. 25:07 Yes. And you know what, I find podcaster is like my sneaky way to body double, because it sounds like someone's talking to me, like they're kind of communicating with me. Tools and Strategies for ADHD Management 25:16 So I'll listen to a podcast while you may be doing laundry or something that I typically don't necessarily want to do. 25:22 But that and the other one that took me back was the, when we're overwhelmed and there's just so many things to do and yes, frozen. 25:33 I didn't know what that was for years and years. to just sit and think and panic and have anxiety about the fact that I have all these things I need to do, not knowing where to start and just literally being frozen and sad 25:46 about it. And then finding out that that's actually in line with ADHD. 25:52 It's so common and, um, you know, often we're so driven. There's so many things that we want to do. 25:57 mean, I have, um, you know, tons of lists. used to have lists and sticky notes absolutely everywhere. 26:04 Um, and I found a tool called to do it spelled T E U X D E U X. 26:10 that's for creating a to-do list, but it's made for people with ADHD and it things roll over from day to day. 26:18 If you don't cross it off, it goes onto the next day. So you don't lose it. um And there's some day list for it's like, well, I have this idea, but I don't know, I'm not putting it on today or tomorrow or the next day. 26:29 I'm putting it my someday list, which you can categorize and it's really fabulous. And then there's another tool I learned recently called Neuralist that helps you put in all the, you know, all the things that you want to do today. 26:41 And it prioritized them for you based on, you know, how I analyze it uses AI. And I've just started playing with that. 26:48 But I have a client with ADHD who's finding that super helpful for her. Well, I will have to check that out. 26:55 I know there's a lot of different AI tools that are coming out uh to support people with ADHD. 27:01 I do love that it's taking away that negative connotation behind being like a neo-divergent and giving people the opportunity just to say like, this is how my brain 27:11 works. And there's literally nothing wrong with it. It's actually, I consider it a superpower because if I get hyper-focused on something, you better guarantee it is going to get done and done well. 27:24 So I consider it to be, to be a superpower. And I know that others that I know do as well, but having information and having coaches like you to be able to help us align those other aspects of ADHD that aren't as bright and 27:40 fun as, know, having a lot of energy or, you know, quickly getting something done or getting excited about something, but the darker, like the frozen or the 27:50 having a hard time getting out of bed or like whatever those situations may be that could also be aligned. uh Having a coach like you that can personally dive in to the situation and help assess and realign has to be really powerful. 28:04 It sounds like it's been really powerful for your clients as well. Absolutely. 28:10 It's just, mean, I get, I get so much joy from seeing my clients, just seeing them uh grow and, and begin to trust themselves and believe in themselves more that, and really 28:24 understand that, em you know, embrace the superpower pieces of it and, em and learn to create against structure in ways to work around and 28:35 some of the things that are more difficult and manage their energy better and that they, you know, they just, um it's just, it's like, they're just shining so brightly. 28:47 And I'm just, I'm so inspired by my clients every day. So not only are you changing lives with people with ADHD and entrepreneurs, but you are also, as if you're not busy enough, writing a book. 28:59 Tell us more. I am this book has been on my heart for years and years. 29:05 And it's for women and it's about personal transformation and resilience. And it's, it's based on the element of fire, there's burning bridges or burning something that no longer serves you like writing down a list of things that you want to release and Writing a Book on Transformation and Resilience 29:19 let go of and burning that I actually did that yesterday, we did that in my intentions workshop, we wrote down all the things that we want to let go of from 2024, or things that 29:28 held us back or limiting beliefs. It was like, I have to write this book. 29:33 It has to be written like there's people who need the information in this book. 29:38 couldn't agree more. What a great way to end this particular episode of degrees of success. 29:45 Michelle, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and thank you for your service. 29:50 Your passion for women and for women that have ADHD that are entrepreneurs and families is impactful. 29:57 And I know that you've changed a lot of lives and more are coming. So thank you for that. We are proud of you here at the University of Phoenix as our University of Phoenix alumni. 30:07 And somehow that brings us to the end of this episode of degrees of success. I'm your host, Freda Richards. 30:14 Don't forget to like, subscribe and comment. And remember your next chapter just might be your best one yet. 30:21 Have a great day.